Socrates—yes, I’m quoting Socrates—said that “true knowledge is knowing you know nothing.” That’s a pretty defeatist attitude if you ask me. He should have just asked Wha, our website. You can find out pretty much anything from the collective wisdom of the local internets on Wha.
For example, a curious anonymous someone, looking for a good sporting time this past June asked: “Why isn’t there a St. John’s Quidditch League anymore?” Lucas answered: “Because it isn’t real.”
But Wha isn’t only good for making fun of attempts at creating a real sport out of an imaginary one based on children’s wizard fiction. Say, for instance, you were planning a party, a really great party, and you needed one final piece to bring it all together—an adult bouncy castle—but didn’t know if there were such a thing, and if you could get one in St. John’s. Ask Wha: “Can you rent an “adult” bouncy castle in St.John’s?” Sure enough, they exist for rent at both Red Rocket Amusements in Mount Pearl and Sky High Amusements in Paradise.
Looking to get out of town for the day? Not sure if it’s worth it? Ask Wha: “Is Northern Bay Sands actually as good a time as people say it is?” HBeez will answer: “No, it’s even better.”
Maybe you want something a little spookier than the beach for your day trip adventure. How does an abandoned amusement park sound? Surely those are only things of legends and horror movies right? Wrong! After hearing The Drows song “The Ballad of Trinity Loop” someone asked Wha: “Where are the abandoned fairgrounds outside of town?” And before you could say Beetlejuice three times Beeaem responded with links to Google Maps and Flickr photos of the abandoned Trinity Loop amusement park just out ’round the bay.
Day trips aside, what are you to do with the rest of your spare time when you aren’t jumping on sandcastles or riding abandoned ferris wheels (not recommended)? There is always barfing on George Street, but maybe you, or your doctor, has decided you need to curb the drinking. Then what? Ask Wha, that’s what. “How do I have sober fun and where are the sober friends in the City of Legendary Drunkards?” asked Help. Wha quickly filled up with suggestions: hike, swim, tennis in Larch Park, art classes, learn karate, do yoga, attend one of the million festivals, go to The Rooms, go for ice cream, go to a show—music, theatre, movie, whatever—have a bonfire on a beach, go to Words in Edgewise, attend a random jam session, and so on and so on and so much you’ll need a drink just to calm down from all the fun you’re having.
Before you go out though you might want to check the weather. You could watch the news, follow Ryan Snoddon on Twitter, download an app for your phone, or look out the window. But why not get Wha to do that for you? “Is it snowing?” Asked someone in February. By noon Frank responded “nope” but things must have took an ugly turn soon after, barely two hours later Elling responded “yes.”
These are all fairly practical concerns—things to do, places to go, whether to go and do wearing a toque or not—but what about more serious matters such as the decline of Western Civilization? Wha can help with that too. Pangs of nostalgia for better days gone by prompted one asker to ask: “What ever happened to all the good things in life: rum & butter bars, McD’s pizza, and Cheeseburger Hostess chips?” This struck a chord with many thescope.ca readers. “Man,” says Lanie Doe, “McDonald’s pizzas were gear… sigh.” NB concurs, “McDonalds pizza was insane,” they write, “how is it that with millions of pizza places we have yet to replicate that flavor?” Sadly, as the Internet is apt to do, the friendly discussion of things lost to time and, perhaps, health regulations turned to a festering cesspool of insults. Let the record show Pat started it: “I’m quite certain if you had a time machine and went back in time to eat a McDonald’s pizza you would realize it is f***ing awful and your 12 year old self didn’t know s*** about good pizza.” And, inevitably, it degenerates further into attacks on pretentious Cheeto-eating downtown hipsters and a joke by Kevin about recreational drug use.
If you aren’t convinced that pining for bad pizza is a serious matter, perhaps you will agree that dealing with heartbreak is. Hurtin’ asked Wha “How do you heal a broken heart in this tiny town?” Rabbittown said wait six months. But Arloknee had a better idea. It’s far too long to print here, you’ll have to look it up yourself, but the highlights include: paying accordion busking dream guardians, visits from spirit animals-in-bow-ties with James Earl Jones voices, mix CDs, blowing out candles, eating cake by the light of the moon, and so on. When your heart is healed, thank Wha.