The Scope

Eating after midnight in the city of legends. Words and photos by Angus Woodman.

Saturday, 3am

I was driving down East White Hills Road when I saw the shape of a moose on the road. I think the lateness was getting to me, because my first thought was, “did someone leave a moose-shaped cutout on the road?” I stopped just short of the moose and sat there waiting for it to move. And I waited. And waited. I thought that if I had a license and a gun and knew how to skin it, he could be my late-night meal. But none of those things were the case, and so my search for food would have to continue.

If he’d ever get out of my way.

The moose was yet another obstacle during an already-difficult task. That task: searching for late-night places to eat. I spent three nights searching in total. Three days in which I didn’t allow myself to eat unless it was between midnight and 8am. And I couldn’t prepare my own food.

Hopefully by doing so I would discover what options there were for the late-night eater, and what it was like to live on those options.

•••

Friday, 12:30am

I started at the place whose hour changes triggered this adventure, Folly (5 Bates Hill). Folly is my ideal late-night place. It has the perfect vibe. But as the new year rolled around, they moved their hours back to noon-2am. (4:30pm-2am on Sunday.) As they became more popular, the post-George-Street tomfoolery was getting too much to handle. Understandable.

I walked in just after midnight and grabbed a table for one. I decided on a lentil burger. I thought I’d go with a vegetarian option because it didn’t seem likely I’d have that choice very often for the next few days.

The patty was made of lentils, sweet potato and some other ancillary ingredients. The patty was very soft, which made it an interesting complement to the focaccia bun, which is a tough bun for anyone accustomed to fast-food burgers. Though while this combination threw me on the first bite, I sunk into its deliciousness on bite two on until my plate was bare.

•••

Friday, 4am

Feeling a little peckish and fighting my body’s desire to sleep, I headed to Tim Hortons. I had donuts on my mind, but was also curious to see what else they serve at that hour. The Tim’s nearest my apartment (besides the one on Duckworth, which is closed at night) had only bare shelves and they don’t serve anything meal-like that late. They had some limited baked goods in the back though and after a couple unsuccessful queries I left with a lop-sided blueberry muffin.

Mmmm… lop-sided. It was more towards the sweet-and-greasy side of the muffin spectrum, but tasted like a dream at the time and kept me running for a little while longer.

•••

Friday, 7am

As night turned to day, I realized something. There’s a rather blurry line between late-night and early morning. So I wondered, what was the earliest breakfast place? Cora’s (Atlantic Place & 80 Kenmount Road) wins this one on weekdays and Saturdays at 6am (both locations) but ties just about everywhere else at 7am on weekends Sundays. That is, unless you can stomach fast-food breakfasts.

Tim Hortons and McDonald’s start serving breakfast at 5am. I’ve eat a lot of different things, but McDonald’s breakfast is where I draw the line. So when I say it’s available at 5am, I’m only passing on what the drive-through guy told me before I drove away empty-handed.

So I chose Cora’s. I had the Cora’s special because it would have to last me for a while and there isn’t a type of breakfast food it doesn’t include. My plate arrived with eggs, bacon, a crêpe, ham, sausage, hash browns, fruit and two slices of multigrain toast on the side. Egads! It wasn’t perfect—the bacon was a very un-pig-like color, and the giant strawberry on my plate tasted of regret—but I sucked it all down before my stomach knew what was happening.

•••

Saturday, 12:01 am

(pre-moose)
For the days leading up to and during this adventure, I’d been asking everyone I saw if they knew of any place to eat late at night. It became secondary to hello. Unfortunately, I had not yet been told of any place I didn’t already know about. So when I attended a potluck on the second night, I queried the entire party. And I got one good suggestion.

I was told of a place called Monroe Take Out on Monroe Street that serves Chinese and Canadian food. They are only quasi-late though, open until 2am Fri-Sat and 12:30am otherwise. I didn’t get a chance to try them out for myself, but I have it on good authority this place is more than mere legend.

Then there’s the option I went with that night: the tail-end of a potluck. You won’t find many dinner parties that start after midnight, but there is never a potluck at which all the food is eaten. It just doesn’t happen. I’m not advising crashing random potlucks whenever you’re hungry at night, but if you do get invited to one, eating up all the cold food before you leave is a fine way to fuel up for the night.

•••

Saturday, 3:50 am

(post-moose)
After the scare with the moose separated me from my wits, I thought a sub might calm my nerves. Most Subways, including the one on Water Street near George, are 24-hours.

I had a turkey and ham on honey-oat bread with every vegetable they offer. Now, I remember a time when eating a sub at this hour meant dealing with bread that wasn’t soft. That’s just the way it was and we all accepted it. But the bread on this (and other late-night subs I’ve had recently) was perfectly soft. Appreciated, but I probably don’t want to know how they’re doing that.

I also had a nice chat with the sandwich artist. He works the night shift by himself on Friday and Saturday, which must get lonely. I couldn’t imagine only having bread and sliced meat to keep me company all night, I thought, as I sat alone in my car in an empty parking lot at 4am eating a sub and singing along to my Justin Bieber CD between bites.

•••

Sunday, 2 am

While doing this search, I started noticing 24-hour signs I had never seen before, many of which were on gas stations. At some point, I got the idea of having a gas-station-sourced meal. So on the third night, I decided I’d give it a try.

I initially found little beyond the usual snack food, but I hit pay dirt at an Irving. Smith’s Snacks! My options were different kinds of subs, and different sizes of different kinds of subs. I choose a small sub with various meats. I added orange juice and chocolate nuts and chowed down.

Boy was I glad I never got the large one. I would say the roast beef slab was not unlike the sole of shoe, but I wouldn’t want to insult shoes. And oh how it was dry. After a couple bites, I attacked it with condiments and microwaves, but it did little to help the cause.

•••

Sunday, 4am

After the gas station, which did live up to its name by supplying gas, I went to the 24-hour Sobeys on Ropewalk Lane. There are two things you will always find on a late-night trip there: someone doing their grocery shopping in pajamas and an employee washing the floor with a giant round machine. I have no further comment on this.

The options at Sobeys are endless. There’s fruit, baked goods, self-opening canned foods (options expand considerably if you travel with a can opener) and there’s a prepared-food section.

Me, I ended my late-night adventure by doing some grocery shopping so I’d never have to eat from a gas station again.

•••

For future consideration

It seems the only option for all-night sit-down table-service is the Celtic Hearth. At least we have one, though it can be a zoo in the hour or two after the bars close.

For take-out, though, there are plenty of options. A walk through the yellow pages will reveal a pile of pizza places open late, especially on weekends and Boston Pizza’s dining area is open till 2am on Fri-Sat, and 1am every other night. McDonald’s drive-through is open all night. You can also find a scattered meal-like foodstuff at 24-hour convenience stores. And then there are the chip trucks and street vendors that pop-up as needed in and around George St.

And if all that fails, perhaps you could have moose burgers.

What’s your favourite place to eat after midnight? Leave a comment below.

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