Nonsmugging area

I recently quit smoking. Before you let go with your “Good for you!”, let’s get something straight. I didn’t quit smoking because I wanted to. I quit because, at the age of 50, there are still things I want to do in my life that would be hampered by pushing an oxygen tank in front of me. But I have lost some of the dearest friends in my life. The times when my soul soared, cigarettes were there to help me celebrate. When my heart lay bleeding and broken on the ground, cigarettes comforted me and got me through. When I was bored they gave me something to do, and when I was busy, they gave me the energy to go on.

I am grieving the loss of my closest companions, and if I live to be 65, any true friend will buy me a pack of Player’s Light Kings, because at that age, I won’t care any more, and I fully intend to take up smoking again on my 65th birthday. Your “Congratulations!” and “Good for you!” rankle me. What you’re really saying is “Good, now God can love you again. Now that you’re finally giving up the really horrible sin, perhaps you can start working on your more minor faults, like diddling youngsters or beating your wife.” Smoking Nazis drive me nuts, and I don’t need your condescension. What I need is a cigarette so I can blow smoke in your smug judgmental face. Either sympathize with me for my loss, or keep your mouth shut, because the next person who says “Good for you!” is getting a tap, I swear to God.

Rant by Ford Elms


“Ammit” by Ye-Yeti

“Ammit” by Ye-Yeti

The hunt for the legendary Ye-Yeti.

22 December 2011

  1. Darcy Fitzpatrick · December 22, 2011

    You have a really selfish attitude. I don’t sympathize with you. I pity you.

  2. Zinc · December 22, 2011

    As a medical professional, I’m sure you realize that when people say “good for you” they are applauding your giving up a habit that is known to kill people, not making character or moral judgements. Jeez. I’m a non-smoker but I’ve seen many people in my life (my father, my boyfriend, co-workers) attempt to quit, and I know it must be very hard. So that “good for you” is to help encourage you to continue on in what people know is not an easy journey, and one that people can only assume you have chosen for yourself. I think you need to lighten up on the persecution complex there, buddy.

  3. W · December 22, 2011

    Darn… so sorry people are proud of you for kicking a habit that could kill you and them!

    Good for you!

  4. Maureen · December 22, 2011

    Wow. I didn’t realize that’s what I meant when I say “good for you!” when people give up smoking. Also…you diddle children??
    I hope the things you want to do for the next 15 years is figuring out how to be less of a nut job. Good for you, dude!

  5. Jon Keefe · December 22, 2011

    Smokers say “good for you” because they know how hard it is to quit.

    Former smokers say “good for you” because they know how hard it is to quit.

    Never-smokers say “good for you” because they’re constantly told how hard it is to quit.

    Nine months and one week ago, I went from a pack a day to cold turkey. I still think about smoking most days. I miss it.

    Good for you.

  6. Frank · December 22, 2011

    Holy crap, I’m choking on the smug here.

  7. Wade · December 22, 2011

    Your smug attitude is why the majority of non-smokers hate smokers, mistaking a poor choice for a god-given right. Good for you?

  8. shadowwood · December 22, 2011

    I tend to like smokers, of course as a non-smoker I find the smell distasteful to be around, but if it’s outside and wafts past occasionally and is a decent brand then the smell can be comforting too like a campfire. I think it takes two major types of people to smoke; there are those who smoke because they are addictive personalities, these people tend to be inspiring, anyone who has low self-control mechanisms and whose brain is wired to irresistibly be drawn to things in a passionate way makes for a very exciting personality, counting amongst their ranks artists and musicians. The second type of person who smokes is the person with decent self-control – they could quit if they wanted without much trouble – they are knowledgeable about the impact upon their life and health of continuing to smoke, yet they continue to smoke because they aren’t obsessed with trying to live as long as humanly possible at all costs and they actually consider quality of life to be superior to quantity of life and the smoking helps to increase that quality of life by sharpening the intellect, dulling the emotions, providing relaxation and stimulation in a very enjoyable little package.

  9. Wade · December 22, 2011

    I have no problem with people smoking, I hate the smell and everything, but I think people should be allowed to. The smokers I hate are the self entitled ones who seem to get off on making others uncomfortable, i.e.: “What I need is a cigarette so I can blow smoke in your smug judgmental face”

  10. Anton Levay · December 22, 2011

    This is why it’s better to be affiliated with Satan.

  11. barry · December 22, 2011

    When I say “Good for you” it means “Good for you”. There’s no ego, no hidden agendas, no attitude, no smarminess, no sanctimonius shit, and no anti-cigarette bias. There’s no deeper meaning to be read into it. It just means “Right on, good job.” It’s not meant to piss you off.

    Sorry but y’know… yeesh.

  12. GOOD FOR YOU! · December 22, 2011

    I really hope, for the sake of the people closest to you, that you have only quit recently and you wrote the rant out of anger and frustration at (self induced) not being able to smoke. If that’s the case, keep it up, it’s hard, but it will be worth it to do those things that you want to do sans oxygen tank.
    If that’s not the case, then maybe the next bad habit you can try to kick is to quit being such a prick!

  13. lucifer.rising · December 22, 2011

    [insert george clooneys acceptance speech here] mwahahaha i thought it was getting a little smuggy outside! :) god some of you are so sensitive!! why dont you go have a cigarette or something?