Saint Nicholas

10 questions for the fat man in red.

What are your current obsessions?
Global Warming and and acid reindeer.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
Flat roofs.

What turns you off?

What is your favorite curse word?
“Ho ho ho.”

What sound or noise do you love?

Absolute silence.

What sound or noise do you hate?
Elf workers’ rights slogans.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Youth Corrections Officer

What profession would you not like to do?
Reindeer Poop Scooper

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“There are no toys here.”

How often do you floss?
Whenever my beard flies back in my face… So really often.

Saint Nicholas – coming soon to a chimney near you.


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