Three times the Jonas

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
(In Theatres)

Having been mistaken earlier this week for estranged fourth Jonas Brother (Frank the Tank) it seemed downright serendipitous that I should find myself in line at the Jonas Brothers’ 3D movie. Disappointment overwhelmed me as I realized the 3D glasses were not the old red and blue kind, but a modern, trendy version looking more like those sunglasses they sell on TV which you’re supposed to wear over your regular glasses, to avoid buying prescription sunglasses. Plus they cost me three dollars extra—one dollar for each dimension—which means a 13 dollar ticket for all you moms out there.

A swarm of little girls armed with cell phones and purses descended upon the cinema, boiling in a thick stew of adolescent reverie. As the lights went down, a voice cried out, “There they are!”

We begin in bed with the Jonas boys, individually of course, as enormous bodyguard Big Rob ambles from room to room waking the gang up.

From here, it’s to the dining room, where an increasingly perturbed Kevin Jonas expresses his annoyance at younger brother Joe, whose childish rattling of the table while proclaiming “earthquake” has grown tiresome. A frazzled waitress searches desperately for a bowl of peach jelly (Joe’s favorite) while Nick, the true talent of the group, takes it easy before a long day of concerts and children screaming in his general direction.

Any potential for authentic documentary footage of the boys on tour is wasted in favour of these tossed-off segments, most of which seem like poorly-scripted attempts at acting natural. And none of this seemed to bother anybody else.

Accompanied by a largely inconsequential orchestra, and occasional bursts of fire from the stage, the brothers strutted and back-flipped their way through a number of upbeat pop songs including “Gotta Find You” and smash radio hit “Burnin’ Up.”

The 3D effect is not put to particularly good use, unless a stray glowstick or cymbal stand crashing into your eye socket is something that would blow your mind. However, an oddly affecting segment toward the end with the boys each standing on their own separate 20 foot high pillars while looking out across a sea of ravaged young hearts all screaming their names hints at the possibilities of 3D as a useful tool for concert films.

So it’s no Hard Day’s Night for the e-generation but if you like these guys and want to get so close you can see their back sweat the way it’s supposed to be seen (in three dimensions and on the big screen) then you have probably seen it twice already, own the DVD, and wish they had a cereal you could buy.

Colin Browne