Instant Board Game Movie Generator

Universal Pictures

Battleship: The Motion Picture is no longer a joke filmgoers make at Hollywood’s expense, but a joke Universal Studios urges us to pay to see so they can laugh at us. What makes the joke even richer is the fact that the studio didn’t go the obvious route with Battleship and make a Hunt For Red October rip-off—no, they must’ve consulted Scully and Mulder on the script, because the answer to all their script problems was ‘aliens.’

To adapt a board game into a movie all you have to do is take a stock plot and throw in clichés. Here’s a handy Mad-Lib formula you can use to create your own bland focus group product designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

For example…

Operation: Adam Sandler is a hotshot surgeon who has it all: two kids (played by Rob Schneider and Alf), a loving wife (Ashley Olsen) and a wisecracking uncle (Jeffrey Tambor) on the run from the mob. However, Dr. Sandler still spends most of his time at the office. His wife gives him an ultimatum: spend more time with the kids or consider the possibility of divorce. Dr. Sandler is set to take the kids camping until James (played by Kevin James) shows up at his clinic. James exhibits every disease known to man and the one cure is taking out all his bones. Will Dr. Sandler find time for his kids? Will he stand up to the evil head of the HMO (Super Dave Osborne)? The answers await you in Operation: it’s 10 cc’s of laughter!

Leave your own board game blockbuster stories in the comments below.

3 comments

  1. Rodney · May 1, 2013

    Trouble: sho kosugi is a hotshot street vendor who lost it all: His honour, his blood lust, and his magic sword. Mr. kosugi is obsessed with learning Dim Mak, the death touch, and having his revenge on his old enemy, Count Dante(Christopher Lee).

    That’s as far as I got, but the tag line would be “It’s brutally and disturbingly violent getting into Trouble”.

  2. anon · May 1, 2013

    Life: Jonas Stiff (played by Crispin Glover) is a hotshot mortician who has it all: a funeral home, a house falling down around his ears, two goldfish named Jeremiah & Betty Mae and mildewed copy of the Maltese Falcon (the book, not the movie). Jonas is obsessive about death and the different ways people can die. Then Agnes MacDuff (played by Maggie Smith) gives Jonas an ultimatum: Go on a normal date without bringing up death in the conversation or give over the funeral home to her. Jonas is set to prove he isn’t morbid all the time until Penelope Noble (played by Zooey Deschanel) shows up at the funeral home. Penelope exhibits her own obsession with death and dying and the one she thinks she can get over it is by planning her own funeral. Will Jonas and Penelope predictably fall love and become a quirky couple? Will Jonas stand up to the dastardly IRS auditor and Penelope’s former ex (played by Gilbert Gottfried) who comes in last minute for no reason what so ever? The answers await you in Life: everyone dies in the end (spoiler).