Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

unexplode a boat / and kill zombies in rewind / milla jovovich

Milla Jovovich returns to theatres as Alice, the face-kicking, crow-shooing, toilet-paper-dress-wearing heroine of the ridiculous Resident Evil franchise. Yes, we’ve seen everyprevious installment, but it doesn’t matter. Despite the apparent awe of the people sitting behind us,┬áthis isn’t exactly a mind-bending sci-fi thriller. (If you’re interested in that kind of thing you should go see Looper instead.) That said, trying to decipher the characters and plot of Retribution and rectify it with what’s come before is indeed a fruitless exercise in mindfuckery.

Resident Evil seems to be taking cues from its genre contemporaries by throwing in a couple #meaningfulcharacterdeaths, but even so the stakes are hilariously low. The entire movie takes place in a virtual simulation beneath the ocean, populated by a gazillion clones, and no matter how many gratuitous computer-generated shots of a beating heart and breaking bones the audience are subjected to, we know Alice won’t bite the bullet (well, maybe literally, and in very slow motion).

We’re even treated to several clone versions of Michelle Rodriguez, who for some reason has reprised her role from the first movie. However, only one of them wears a tank top (that’s how you know it’s really her).

Between all the clones, lasers and zombies, Retribution somewhere along the way forgets the characters from the last movie and literally treads water all the while building up to yet another apocalyptic sequel. And we’ll be there in 2015 for Resident Evil: Self-Flagellation.