Holiday viewing: Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

Silent Night Deadly Night 3 review for thescope.ca by 24 Hours to Midnight: The Blog!

Christmas horror! For us, the true meaning of Christmas horror is the feeling you get while averting your eyes as you walk past the Avalon Mall’s dead-eyed evergreen golem:

happytree

Culled from the Forest of Nightmares

“Christmas horror” is also a surprisingly populous horror subgenre. You have Black Christmas (1974) and its 2006 remake; there’s Do Not Open Till Christmas, and you have a depressing number of punny-titled pretenders — Santa Claws, Satan Claus, Santa’s Slay, Slay Bells — and the Silent Night, Deadly Night series, of which we just watched the dismal third installment.

Christmas horror movies all follow the familiar pattern — psycho terrorizes tiny town using a variety of seasonal themed implements of murder. Any given yuletide rampage will consist of a strangulation via a string of lights, a candy cane stabbing, a sledding-related decapitation, a hockey skate to the face, an icicle impalement, and a household pet made ill through exposure to poinsettia.

In Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!, our seasonal affective disordered antagonist is Ricky — the Santa-banged-my-mom killer with a mad-on for jolly individuals in red velour. Ricky’s currently in a vegetative coma with his brain exposed inside a glass dome (because, science). Ricky’s doctor is utilizing the psychic talents of pouty blind teen Laura to coax Ricky out of his coma because, you know, science.

Like a horrible, horrible snowglobe.

Anyway, the psychic link-up leads to Ricky’s reawakening, after which he begins his pursuit of Laura. With his exposed brain hidden under a jaunty chapeau, Ricky slaughters anybody that accosts him with holiday iconography — a Santa suit, a poinsettia broach, a Christmas sweater, a wrapped present, a red car (obviously, he’s stretching by the 45-minute mark).

Jump ahead to Act III, and there’s a big showdown at Grandma’s house (who, shockingly, does NOT end up folded into the oven, despite an agonizingly long scene of her basting a turkey). As far as horror movie heroes go, Laura’s brother manages to set the bar to sub-zero levels for all future horror movie heroes. Resplendent in his denim-on-denim ensemble and Sammy Hagar hairdo, he makes his requisite 11th hour save with the killer quip: “Is it live or is it Memorex?”. The only line that could’ve zinged Ricky harder would’ve been “Where’s the beef?” or “Calgon, take me away!”.

FACT: There was much screaming.

 

So, in conclusion, this holiday season, just go watch Gremlins.

One comment

Music Saturday, July 14

A Touch of Class, Ironworks, 10:30pm, Rocky’s Place, Trinity Alan Rickets (trad) 2pm-5pm, O’Reilly’s Bic & The Ballpoints, Club One Blair Harvey & The Dregs (country), The Ship Catcher (rock) Distortion DJ Mickey T, Lottie’s DJ Slayer + video show w/ DJ Eric, Zone 216 DJ Lex, Junctions Fergus O’Byrne (trad) 10pm-11:15pm, O’Reilly’s Funky Dory […]

4 July 2007

  1. Erin · July 4, 2007

    Well done! I just lol’d!