Dear Frances B,
I don’t know what I’m doing when I’m giving a blow job! I like doing it but I must be bad at it or something. I’m definitely not the most sexually experienced girl in the world, and my last boyfriend was either like “Ow! You’re hurting me!” or he would want me to stop after a couple minutes without saying why. I seriously felt like he was only letting me do it to not embarrass me, and now I feel too insecure to try.
– Suck At Sucking
It’s unfortunate that this boyfriend of yours didn’t have the sense to be more specific. Of course you felt bad! Non-verbal communication is great and all, but if he’s really not into it and he won’t say “I really like it slower and softer at first,” or “whoa, mind those teeth,” then you’ll just have to ask what’s up. “What hurts?” is a good place to start, followed by “Ok, how about this?”
Before you try again, to give you a confident place to start from, I asked my gay b’yfriends for some tips. Because nobody knows how to suck cock like the gays. As nan used to say.
If you’re hurting the boy, my friends figure that your teeth are the most likely culprit.
When collecting these answers I said I wouldn’t use anyone’s real names, so as a tribute to nan, I’ve assigned each gay b’yfriend a moniker. Let’s start with… Marlena Evans Black!
He emphasized minding your teeth.
“Foreskin is a great nibbler with your lips and tongue. [But] teeth are mostly a no-no unless you know from conversation that your partner enjoys a degree of pleasure/pain.”
Stefano DiMera agreed, comparing teeth touching penis to “nails on a chalkboard" or "squeaking styrofoam.”
Next, the boys discussed the importance of one’s approach.
“Don’t stuff the whole thing into your gullet," said Stefano. "Work it. Start with the head, work down below the head, stroke the shaft with your hands at the same time as you move your lips down the shaft, and slowly take it back into your throat. Slowly.”
Marlena prefers another method: “Get the cock to the back of your throat as soon as you feel comfortable. The reasoning is you produce more mucosal saliva back there. Then get it out sooner than later. The saliva can work well for a while to lubricate the cock when you use your hands to facilitate stimulation… If one is comfortable going whole-hog, then go as deep as you can. The hand and lots of saliva help to ‘fake’ a deep-throat if you can’t take it that far.”
Sammy Brady agrees: “I mean when he’s starting to go down, it won’t be a full-forced suckfest from the get go, but I mean give ‘er hard and fast and take it deeper, and I’m there.”
Stefano says that your throat “like your arse or your muss” has to relax before it can accommodate penetration, so he advises to take your time. “Breathe through your nose," he says. "Practice. Take slow, deep breaths. It’s okay to take breathing breaks, but you might avoid this by controlling your breathing.”
He also recommended keeping up the tongue action while “bouncing up and down the pole.”
The boys agreed that lots of guys really enjoy having their balls licked and sucked, and if you and your lover are into it you can also gently lick his ass (taboo = hot).
Ultimately, SAS, don’t be discouraged by one uncommunicative guy. The more you ask questions like this one, the better sex you’ll have.
– Frances Beatrix
email frances at email@example.com or mail your questions to frances c/o the scope, po box 1044, st. john’s, a1m 5m3.