The Scope

Free Will Astrology

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I used to have an acupuncturist who, as she poked me with needles, liked to talk about her understanding of Chinese medicine. Once she told me that every human being needs a “heart protector,” which is a body function that’s “like a holy warrior who serves as the queen’s devoted ally.” But the heart protector is not something you’re born with. You’ve got to grow it by building your fortitude and taking care of your body. I think the heart protector will be an apt metaphor for you to play with in the coming weeks, Pisces. It’s going to be an excellent time for you to cultivate any part of your life that gives your heart joy, strength, peace, and integrity. Happy birthday to Liz Solo, Kevin Coffey, Lesley Marie Reade, Curtis Kilfoy, and Erin McKee.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923) was called “the most famous actress the world has ever known.” She did a few films in the early days of the cinema, but most of her work was in the theater. At age 70, she played the role of the 13-year-old Juliet in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. I commend her on her refusal to act her age, and recommend that you make a comparable effort in the coming weeks. For example, if you’re in your twenties, try something you thought you wouldn’t do until you were at a very ripe age. If you’re over 50, be 25 for a while. It’s an excellent time to do this kind of time-traveling.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You might have to use primitive means to accomplish modern wonders. It may be necessary to hearken back to what worked in the past in order to serve the brightest vision of the future. Take your cue from Luis Soriano, a saintly teacher who carries a library of 120 books on the back of a donkey as he meanders around the back country of Columbia, helping poor kids learn how to read.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Humans have been baking and eating bread for at least 5,000 years. But it wasn’t until the 20th century that anyone figured out a fast and easy way to cut it into thin, precise pieces. Then Otto Rohwedder, who had been working on the project for 16 years, produced a machine that cut a loaf into individual slices. I bring him to your attention, Gemini, because I think you are in a phase of your life when you could very possibly create an innovation that would be as intimately revolutionary as Rohwedder’s was for the masses. In fact, why aren’t you working on it right now?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In order to heal deep-seated problems, people may need to engage in long-term psychotherapy, patiently chipping away at their mental blocks for many years. But some lucky sufferers get their neuroses zapped virtually overnight, either with the help of a monumental event that shocks them out of their malaise or through the work of a brilliant healer who uses a few strokes of kamikaze compassion to creatively destroy their deluded fixations. I think you’re now a candidate for this type of correction, Cancerian.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): To discover the most useful truths, you will have to peek behind the curtains and root around to see what’s cloaked in the dark and maybe even explore messes you’d rather not touch. What complicates your task is that the fake truths may be extra loud and shiny, distracting you from the down and dirty stuff with their relentless come-ons. But I have confidence in your ability to outmaneuver the propaganda, Leo. You shall know the hype, and knowing the hype will set you free.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The evil geniuses of the advertising industry are hard at work in their labs dreaming up seductive new mojo to artificially stimulate your consumer lusts. Meanwhile, the media’s relentless campaign to get you to believe in debilitating fantasies and divert you from doing what’s really good for you has reached a fever pitch. And here’s the triple whammy: Even more than usual, some of your relatives and cohorts are angling to convince you that what pleases them is what pleases you. So is there any hope that you will be able to hone in on what truly excites you? (It’s especially important that you do so right now.) The answer, in my opinion, is a qualified yes — IF you’re willing to conduct intensive research into the idiosyncratic secrets of what makes you happy; and IF you’re not scared to discover who you are when you’re turned on all the way.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you were living in Greece in the fifth century B.C., I’d urge you to bathe in the healing spring at the shrine of Asklepios in Athens. If you were in 19th-century France, I’d recommend that you trek to the sacred shrine at Lourdes — being sure to crawl the last half-mile on your hands and knees — and sip from the curative waters there. But since you’re a busy 21st-century sophisticate and may have a limited belief in miracles, I’ll simply suggest that you visit the most interesting tree you know and spill a bottle of pristine water over your head as you confess your sins and ask the sky for forgiveness and sing songs that purify you to the bone.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s quite possible that the nature of consciousness is in the midst of a fundamental transformation. The human race seems to be getting more empathetic, more compassionate, and even more psychic. Many of us are having experiences that were previously thought to be the province of mystics, such as epiphanies that give us visceral perceptions of the interconnectedness of all life. Even as some traditional religions lose members and devolve into cartoony fundamentalism, there are ever-increasing numbers of intelligent seekers who cultivate a more discerning spiritual awareness outside the decrepit frameworks. If you haven’t been on this bandwagon, Scorpio, now’s a good time to jump on. If you’re already on board, get ready for an accelerated ride.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): This week you’ll be working overtime while you sleep. Your dreaming mind will be playing around with solutions to your waking mind’s dilemmas. Your ally, the wild conjurer in the ramshackle diamond-encrusted sanctuary at the edge of the deep dark forest, will be spinning out medicine stories and rounding up help for you. So of course you should keep a pen and notebook by your bed to record the dreams that come. I suggest that you also try to keep the first part of your mornings free of busy work so you can integrate the full impact of the nights’ gifts. And don’t despair if you can’t actually remember any of your nocturnal adventures. Their tasty after-images will remain with you subliminally, giving your logical mind an intuitive edge.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There’ll be an abundance of unambiguous choices for you to make in the coming days. I’m not implying they’ll be easy, just that the different alternatives will be clearly delineated. To get you warmed up for your hopefully crisp decisions, I’ve compiled a a few exercises. Pick one of each of these pairs: 1. exacting homework or free-form research; 2. pitiless logic or generous fantasies; 3. precise and disciplined communication or heedless self-expression; 4. grazing like a contented sheep or rambling like a restless mountain goat.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Among Eastern religions, some traditions preach the value of getting rid of your desires. To be righteously attuned to current cosmic rhythms, however, I think you should rebel against that ideal, and instead cultivate a whole host of excellent desires. Use your imagination, please! Here are a few I highly recommend: a desire for a revelation or experience that will steer you away from becoming more like a machine; a desire for a fresh blast of purity from a primal source; a desire for an imaginary pet snake that teaches you how to be more playful with your libidinous energy; and a desire for a jolt of unexpected beauty that reminds you how important it is to always keep a part of your mind untamed.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I used to have an acupuncturist who, as she poked me with needles, liked to talk about her understanding of Chinese medicine. Once she told me that every human being needs a “heart protector,” which is a body function that’s “like a holy warrior who serves as the queen’s devoted ally.” But the heart protector is not something you’re born with. You’ve got to grow it by building your fortitude and taking care of your body. I think the heart protector will be an apt metaphor for you to play with in the coming weeks, Pisces. It’s going to be an excellent time for you to cultivate any part of your life that gives your heart joy, strength, peace, and integrity. Happy birthday to Liz Solo, Kevin Coffey, Lesley Marie Reade, Curtis Kilfoy, and Erin McKee.

Homework: Starved for good news? Weary of the nonstop barrage of misery foisted on you by the media? Check this out: http://bit.ly/PronoiaNetwork

Free Will Astrology

Photo by uberculture

For the week of February 25

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
If you were going to launch a career as a rap artist any time soon, I’d suggest that maybe you use the alias “Big Try” as your stage name. If you were planning to convert to an exotic religious path and get a new spiritual name, I’d recommend something like “Bringit Harder” or “Pushit Stronger.” If you were about to join an activist group that fights for a righteous cause, and you wanted a new nickname to mark your transformation, I’d urge you to consider a tag like “Radical” or “Prime” or “Ultra.” And even if you’re not doing any of the above, I hope you’ll carry out some ritual of transition to intensify your commitment to your life’s vital dreams. Happy birthday to Lynn Panting, Jillian Butler, Mary-Lynn Bernard, Angus Woodman, and Justin Guzzwell.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
“Everything is complicated,” wrote poet Wallace Stevens. “If that were not so, life and poetry and everything else would be a bore.” I hope you will choose his wisdom to serve as your guiding light in the coming weeks. It is high time, in my astrological opinion, for you to shed any resentment you might feel for the fact that life is a crazy tangle of mystifying and interesting stories. Celebrate it, Aries! Revel in it. Fall down on your knees and give holy thanks for it. And by the way, here’s a big secret: To the extent that you do glory in the complications, the complications will enlighten you, amuse you, and enrich you.

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
This is one time when you can be both the river and the bridge. In fact, I strongly suggest that you make every effort to be both the river and the bridge. I’ll leave it up to you to interpret how this metaphor applies to your life, but here’s a clue to get you started. Be a force of nature that flows vigorously along even as you also provide a refuge for those who want to be close to your energy but are not yet ready to be inside it and flow along with it.

GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
Almost exactly ten years from now, you will be blessed with an eruption of personal power that’s so crafty and so practical that you will be able to visualize a solution to a problem that has stumped you for a long time. It may take you months to actually carry out that solution in its entirety, but all the while you will have the luxury of feeling perfect certainty about what must be done. And you know what the weird thing is, Gemini? Something very similar is in the works for the next few weeks: an eruption of crafty, practical power that will help you materialize the key to solving an old dilemma, hopefully followed by months of carrying out your lucid plan.

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Last night I had a dream in which I was addressing a crowd of thousands of Cancerians in a large stadium. I was referring to them as dolphins rather than as crabs. “I say unto you, my fellow dolphins,” I proclaimed (I myself was born June 23), “that you have been given a sacred assignment by the great gods of time themselves. And that assignment is to master the art of Timeology.” When I awoke from the dream, I was awash with feelings of deep relaxation and ease, although I wasn’t sure why. I had never before heard that word “timeology,” so I googled it. Here’s how the Urban Dictionary defined it: “spending time doing what you want to do, not accomplishing anything major but also not wasting time.” It so happens that this prescription is well-suited to our current astrological omens. I suggest that you and I be as playful as dolphins.

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
In an episode of the animated TV sci-fi series Futurama, we get to see inside the headquarters of Romanticorp, where “love research” is being done. One of the experiments involves robots delivering various pick-up lines to actual women. The line that works best is “My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.” I recommend that you make that your own catchphrase, Leo — not just this week but for the foreseeable future. The entire year of 2010 will be an excellent time to deepen your commitments and transform yourself, and the weeks ahead will bring unprecedented opportunities to intensify those efforts.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers,” advises a passage in the Bible, “for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” While that’s always good counsel, it’s especially apt for you in the coming days. I believe you will come into contact with people who can provide you with valuable teaching and healing, even if they’re disguised as baristas or pet shampooers or TV repairmen — and even if this will be the one and only time they will provide you with teaching and healing.

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Metaphorically speaking, you have recently begun crossing the water in a dream boat that has a small leak. If you keep going, it’s possible you will reach the far side before sinking. But that’s uncertain. And even if you were able to remain afloat the entire way, the shakiness of the situation would probably fill you with anxiety. My suggestion, then, is to head back to where you started and fix the leak.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Some Scorpios bring out the worst in people. Other Scorpios draw out the best. Then there are those members of your tribe who sometimes bring out the worst in their fellow humans and other times bring out the best. Where do you fit in this spectrum? Regardless of your position up until now, I’m betting that in the coming months you’ll be moving in the direction of bringing out more of the best. And it all begins now. To get the process underway, think of five people you care about, and visualize the wonderful futures that it might be possible for them to create for themselves.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
More than a few fairy tales feature the theme of characters who accidentally find a treasure. They’re not searching for treasure, don’t feel worthy of it, and aren’t fully prepared for it. They may initially not even know what they’re looking at, and see it as preposterous or abnormal or disquieting. Who could blame them if they ran away from the treasure? In order to recognize and claim it, they might have to shed a number of their assumptions about the way the world works. And they might have to clear up a discrepancy between their unconscious longings and their conscious intentions.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Everyone alive has some kind of learning disability. I know brilliant physicists who are dumb about poetry. There are fact-loving journalists whose brains freeze when they’re invited to consider the ambiguous truths of astrology. My friend John suffers from dyslexia, while I myself am incapable of mastering the mysteries of economics. What’s your blind spot, Capricorn? What’s your own personal learning disability? Whatever it is, this would be an excellent time, astrologically speaking, to work with it. For the next few months, you will be able to call on what you need in order to diminish its power to limit you.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
“We cannot change anything until we accept it,” said psychologist Carl Jung. “Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” Make that your hypothesis, Aquarius, and then conduct the following experiment. First, choose some situation you would like to transform. Next, open your heart to it with all the love and compassion you can muster. Go beyond merely tolerating it with a resigned disappointment. Work your way into a frame of mind in which you completely understand and sympathize with why it is the way it is. Imagine a scenario in which you could live your life with equanimity if the situation in question never changed. Finally, awash in this grace, meditate on how you might be able to actually help it evolve into something new.

Free Will Astrology

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Happy Valentine Daze, Aquarius! In my search for the counsel that would be of greatest help to your love life in the coming months, I decided on this observation by psychologist Albert Ellis: “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” I hope you take that in the spirit in which I’m offering it. It’s not meant to suggest that you will be deprived of love’s burning, churning pleasures; I just want to make sure you know that your best bet for experiencing burning, churning pleasures is to be dogged and devoted and disciplined in your cultivation of burning, churning pleasures. Happy birthday to Mark Wilson, Kerri Breen, Davey Zegarac, and Michael Collins.

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
In 2010, you will have more cosmic assistance than you’ve had in a long time whenever you seek to increase your experience of pleasure. Do you want to get more sensual joy out of eating and drinking and dancing and listening to music? This is your year. Do you want to heighten your perceptiveness and find more beauty in the world and cultivate new ways to stimulate positive feelings and liberating emotions? This is your year. Do you want to intensify your orgasms and have more of them and learn how to use them to enhance your spiritual power? This is your year. And the coming weeks will be one of the best times in 2010 to move from charging up your pleasure to supercharging it. Happy Valentine Daze, Pisces! Happy birthday to Emilie Bourque, Sherri Levesque, Kevin Hehir, and Dan Murray.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
“Hate leaves ugly scars,” wrote author Mignon McLaughlin, but “love leaves beautiful ones.” If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, Aries, you’re scheduled to receive at least one of the beautiful kind of scars in the coming months — maybe even two or three. In fact, I think they’ll be such lovely booboos that they will markedly add to your overall attractiveness. Rarely if ever have you been privileged to hurt as good as you will in 2010 — thanks to the benevolent jolts of love. Happy Valentine Daze!

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
In my view, 2010 is the year you should expand your world. That could mean enlarging your circle of allies or building a bigger web of connections. It might mean broadening your appeal or widening your frame of reference or opening your mind to possibilities you’ve been closed to. It may even involve extending your territory or increasing the range of your travels. However you choose to expand, Taurus, I urge you to put love at the heart of your efforts. Love should be the fuel that motivates you and the reference point that ensures you’re always making smart moves. For inspiration, memorize this line by poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning: “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” In your case, Taurus, “thee” should mean the whole world.

GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
Of all the signs of the zodiac, you Geminis are most likely to thrive if you experiment with new approaches to kissing in the coming weeks. To whip up your fervor, read incendiary texts like William Cane’s The Art of Kissing. Conspire with an imaginative partner to conjure up a new kissing game or even a sacred kissing ritual. And come up with your own interpretations of the following kiss techniques: the throbbing kiss, the sip kiss, the butterfly kiss, the tiger kiss, the whispering kiss. Happy Valentine Daze!

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian! After meditating about what advice would be most valuable for your love life in the coming months, I decided on this challenge from poet William Butler Yeats: “True love is a discipline in which each divines the secret self of the other and refuses to believe in the mere daily self.” In other words, create in your imagination a detailed picture of your loved ones at their best. Each day, make it a point to feel joy and gratitude for their most excellent beauty and power — as well as the beauty and power that are still ripening and will one day appear in full bloom.

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
A friend of mine has woven her life together with a Leo who doesn’t fully appreciate the ways she expresses her adoration. She asked me to use my bully pulpit as a horoscope writer to convey a message to her lover, and I agreed, because I think it’s excellent advice for all of the Leo tribe this Valentine season. Here’s what she said: “Just because somebody doesn’t always love you the way you wish they would, doesn’t mean they don’t love you the best they can and with all they have.” Are you willing to consider the possibility that maybe you should take that plea to heart, Leo? I hope so, because then you’ll be able to get some of the good loving you’ve closed yourself off from.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Happy Valentine Daze, Virgo! I meditated on what message might best energize your love life, and what I came up with is a declaration by author Mignon McLaughlin: “Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.” In other words, the love you should be most interested in during the coming months is the kind that opens your eyes to sights that were previously invisible and that creates new possibilities you’ve barely imagined.

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Happy Valentine Daze, Libra! My astrological hunch is that you’d benefit from the specific teaching that would come from exploring a three-way relationship. But wait. Don’t jump to conclusions. Here’s the form I think it should take: Fantasize that the merger of you and your lover or ally has created a third thing that hovers near you, protecting and guiding the two of you. Call this third thing an angel. Or call it the soul of your connection or the inspirational force of your relationship. Or call it the special work the two of you can accomplish together. And let this magical presence be the third point of your love triangle.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Happy Valentine Daze, Scorpio! After meditating on what advice would best serve your love life, I decided to offer you the words of psychologist Carl Jung: “The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.” As I see it, my dear, acting on Jung’s wisdom will help you carry out your primary task in the coming months, which is to bring novel experiences and fresh perspectives to your most engaging relationship. The best way to accomplish that is not with non-stop serious talk and intense analysis, but with a generous dose of playful improvisation and experimental fun.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
To prepare your Valentine horoscope, I did a lengthy meditation on your love life. I wish I could offer you a 20-page treatise on my conclusions, but there’s not enough room. So instead I’ll give you the single most important piece of advice I came up with: The coming week will be an excellent time for you to survey the history of your love life, starting with the first moment you ever fell in love. I mean you should actually stream the memories across your mind’s eye as if you were watching a movie. Feel all the feelings roused by each scene, but also try to maintain some objectivity about it all. Watch for recurring themes. Be especially alert for unexpected insights that emerge about the past. And through it all, be wildly compassionate toward yourself and your co-stars.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
“If I love you, what business is it of yours?” wrote Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Now I’m offering his words for you to use as your mantra in the coming months. Your main job, as I see it, is simply to be a lover of pretty much everything — to generate, cultivate, and express love in abundance — and not to worry about whether your love is reciprocated or how it’s regarded. It’s a tall order, I know — one of the most difficult assignments I’ve ever suggested. And yet I think you have the soul power and the crafty intelligence necessary to accomplish it. Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn!

Free Will Astrology

Rob Brezsny tells Pisces to relax already.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
In the coming week, I predict that you will NOT experience disgusting fascinations, smiling-faced failures, sensationalized accounts of useless developments, or bizarre fantasies in the middle of the night. You may, on the other hand, have encounters with uplifting disappointments, incendiary offers of assistance, mysterious declarations of interdependence, and uproars that provoke your awe and humility in healing ways. In other words, Aquarius, it’ll be an uncanny, perhaps controversial time for you — but always leading in the direction of greater freedom. Happy birthday to John Young, Mike Rossiter, Brian Aylward, and Paul Warford.

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Congrats on your growing ability to do more floating and less thrashing as you cascade down the stream of consciousness. I think you’re finally understanding that a little bit of chaos isn’t a sign that everything’s falling apart forever omigod the entire planet’s crashing and evil is in ascension . . . but rather that a healthy amount of bewildering unpredictability keeps things fresh and clean. My advice is to learn to relax even more as you glide with serene amusement through the bubbling and churning waters of life.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Shakespeare got modest respect while he was alive, but his reputation as a brilliant bard didn’t gel right away. It wasn’t until almost 50 years after he died that anyone thought his life and work were notable enough to write about. By then, all his colleagues and compatriots were gone, unable to testify. He himself left little information to build a biography around. That’s why next to nothing is known about the person who made such a dramatic impact on the English language and literature. I suggest you take this as a metaphorical prod that will inspire you not to be blasé about the greatness that is in your vicinity. Don’t take superlative intelligence, talent, or love for granted. Recognize it, bless it, be influenced by it.

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
You are the lord of all you survey! I swear to God! I’m almost tempted to say that you now have the power to command whirlwinds and alter the course of mighty rivers! At the very least you will be able to mobilize the ambition of everyone you encounter and brighten the future of every group you’re part of! Act with confident precision, Taurus! Speak with crisp authority! Your realm waits expectantly for the transformative decisions that will issue from the fresh depths of your emotional intelligence!

GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
It’s time for you to fly away — to flee the safe pleasures that comfort you as well as the outmoded fixations that haunt you; to escape at least one of the galling compromises that twists your spirit as well as a familiar groove that numbs your intelligence. In my astrological opinion, Gemini, you need to get excited by stimuli that come from outside your known universe. You need fertile surprises that motivate you to resort to unpredictable solutions.

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
“I never meet anyone who admits to having had a happy childhood,” said writer Jessamyn West. “Everyone appears to think happiness betokens a lack of sensitivity.” I agree, and go further. Many creative people I know actually brag about how messed up their early life was, as if that was a crucial ingredient in turning them into the geniuses they are today. Well, excuse me for breaking the taboo, but I, Rob Brezsny, had a happy childhood, and it did not prevent me from becoming a sensitive artist. In fact, it helped. Now I ask you, my fellow Cancerian, whether you’re brave enough to go against the grain and confess that your early years had some wonderful moments? You’re in a phase of your cycle when recalling the beauty and joy of the past could be profoundly invigorating.

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
Usually I overflow with advice about how to access your soul’s code. I love to help you express the unique blueprint that sets you apart from everyone else. Every now and then, though, it’s a healing balm to take a sabbatical from exploring the intricacies of your core truths. This is one of those times. For the next ten days, I invite you to enjoy the privilege of being absolutely nobody. Revel in the pure emptiness of having no clue about your deep identity. If anyone asks you, “Who are you?”, relish the bubbly freedom that comes from cheerfully saying, “I have no freaking idea!”

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
French novelist Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880) is generally regarded as one of the greats. His book Madame Bovary appears on many lists of the greatest novels of all time. And yet writing didn’t come especially easy for him. He worked as hard as a ditch-digger. It wasn’t uncommon for him to spend several agonizing days in squeezing out a single page. On some occasions he literally beat his head against a wall, as if trying to dislodge the right words from their hiding place in his brain. He’s your role model in the coming week, Virgo. You can create something of value, although it may require hard labor.

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
My theory is that right now the whole world is in love with you. In some places, this simmering adoration is bordering on infatuation. Creatures great and small are more apt than usual to recognize what’s beautiful and original about you. As a result, wonders and marvels are likely to coalesce in your vicinity. Is there anything you can do to ensure that events unfold in ways that will yield maximum benefits for everyone concerned? Yes: Be yourself with as much tender intensity as you can muster.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
I hope that you saw the horoscope I wrote for you last week. And I hope that you acted on my advice and refrained from all sweating and striving and struggling. These past seven days were designed by the universe to be a time for you to recharge your psychic battery. Assuming that you took advantage of the opportunity, you should now be ready to shift gears. In this new phase, your assignment is to work extra hard and extra sweet on yourself. By that I mean you should make your way down into your depths and change around everything that isn’t functioning with grace and power. Tweak your attitudes. Rearrange your emotional flow. Be an introspective master of self-refinement.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
This horoscope borrows from one of my favorite Sagittarian visionaries, Jonathan Zap. The advice he gives below, which is in accordance with your astrological omens, is designed to help you avoid the fate he warns against. Here it is: “Many of the significant problems in our lives are more about recognizing the obvious rather than discovering the mysterious or hidden. One of the classic ways we deceive and hide from ourselves is by refusing to recognize the obvious, and shrouding what is right before us in rationalization and false complexity. We often delay and deny necessary transformation by claiming that there is a mysterious answer hidden from us, when actually we know the answers but pretend that we don’t.” (More at bit.ly/ZapOracle and Zaporacle.com.)

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
It’s a good time to take inventory of all the stories you allow to pour into your beautiful head. Do you absorb a relentless stream of fear-inducing news reports and violent movies and gossipy tales of decline and degeneration? Well, then, guess what: It’s the equivalent, for your psyche, of eating rotting bear intestines and crud scraped off a dumpster wall and pitchers full of trans fats from partially hydrogenated oil. But maybe, on the other hand, you tend to expose yourself to comedies that loosen your fixations and poems that stretch your understanding of the human condition and conversations about all the things that are working pretty well. If so, you’re taking good care of your precious insides; you’re fostering your mental health. Now please drink in this fresh truth from Nigerian writer Ben Okri: “Beware of the stories you read or tell; subtly, at night, beneath the waters of consciousness, they are altering your world.”

Free Will Astrology

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
The number of bacteria per square inch on a toilet seat averages about 50. Meanwhile, your telephone harbors over 25,000 germs per square inch and the top of your desk has about 21,000. I’d like you to use this as a metaphor that you can apply more universally. According to my analysis, you see, you are over-emphasizing the risks and problems in one particular area of your life and underestimating them elsewhere. Spend some time this week correcting the misdiagnoses. Happy birthday to Victor Lewis, Stephen Dunn, and Amy House.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
One of my readers, Judd, shared his vision of how to cope with the blahs of January. Given your astrological omens, I’d say his strategy perfectly embodies the approach you should take right now. Please study his testimony below, and come up with your own ingenious variation. “On the coldest of days, my friends and I celebrate ‘scrufting,’ the art of enjoying the great outdoors with indoor furniture, while listening to loud indie-rock and adorned in our grungiest slop-ware. Aided by Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout, we curse and laugh at the constraints of winter by playing our favorite summer sports like Frisbee, hacky-sack, and soccer.” Happy birthday to Chris Shortall, Krista Power, Peter Rompkey, and Steve Topping.

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
It’s graduation time. Not in any officially recognized sense, maybe, but still: You have completed your study of a certain subject in the school of life. At a later date, maybe you will resume studying this subject on a higher level, but for now you’ve absorbed all you can. I suggest you give yourself a kind of final exam. (Be sure to grade it yourself.) You might also want to carry out a fun ritual to acknowledge the completion of this chapter of your story. It will free up your mind and heart to begin the next chapter.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
The Earth’s north magnetic pole is not the same as the geographic North Pole. If you take out a compass to orient yourself toward due north, the compass arrow will actually point toward a spot in the frigid wilds of Canada. But what’s really odd is that the north magnetic pole has been on the move since 1904 — scientists don’t know exactly why — and has dramatically sped up in recent years. According to National Geographic, it’s now zooming toward Siberia at the rate of almost 40 miles per year. I suspect that your own metaphorical version of magnetic north will also be changing in 2010, Aries. By January 2011, the homing signal you depend on to locate your place in reality may have migrated significantly. This is a good time to start tracking the shift.

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
“The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic, and self-complacent is erroneous,” wrote W. Somerset Maugham. “On the contrary, it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant, and kind.” I think the trajectory of your journey during the last 12 months tends to confirm his theory, Taurus. According to my analysis, you set new benchmarks for your personal best in 2009, while at the same time becoming a wiser, riper human being. Congrats! Now get out there and capitalize on the grace you’ve earned. Be as organized as possible as you share the fruits of your progress.

GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
The Onion, which describes itself as “America’s Finest News Source,” ran a feature on the inventor Thomas Edison. He “changed the face of modern life in 1879,” said the report, “when he devised the groundbreaking new process of taking ideas pioneered by other scientists and marketing them as his own.” The tone was mocking, of course, but I’m perfectly sincere when I urge you to imitate Edison in the coming weeks. Given the current astrological omens, you’d be wise to take advantage of the breakthroughs of others and make good use of resources created by others. Just be sure that you give credit where credit is due, and you’ll actually be doing everyone a service.

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
A Scorpio is willing and maybe even eager to share secrets with you. Can you marshal just the right amount of self-protection — not too much, not too little — to trust a little more and go deeper? As for Virgo: That under-self-confident person would really benefit from getting more appreciation from you. Don’t be stingy. Meanwhile, I think you’re suffering from a misunderstanding about an Aquarius. It will be in your selfish interest to clear it up. A few more tips: Don’t give up on Pisces. There’s more to come when the coast is clearer. Browse but don’t buy yet with a Leo. And make business, but not love or war, with a Capricorn.

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
I like it best when the creek that runs near my home is wide and deep. It gets that way at high tide, when the moon shepherds in a surge of water from the bay. As I gaze out at the swollen cascade, I feel full and fertile; everything’s right with the world. Inevitably, though, the tide goes out and the flow turns meek and narrow. Then my mood is less likely to soar. A slight melancholy may creep in. But I’ve learned to love that state, too — to derive a quiet joy from surveying the muddy banks where the water once ran, the muck imprinted with tracks of egrets and ducks. Besides, I know it’s only a matter of time before the tide shifts and the cascade returns. Enjoy your own personal version of the low-tide phase, Leo. High tide will be coming back your way soon.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
If you asked me to make you a mix tape that would be conducive for making love to, I wouldn’t be in the least surprised. These long January nights are ideal times for you Virgos to be unleashing your dormant passion and sharing volcanic pleasure and exploring the frontier where delight overlaps with wonder. In the compilation of tunes I’d create for you, I’d probably have stuff like “Teardrop” by Massive Attack, “Breathe Me” by Sia, “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse, and “6 Underground” by the Sneaker Pimps. But I think it’s a better idea for you to assemble your own soundtrack. Tell me about it if you do. I’m at Truthrooster@gmail.com.

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
The world’s tallest waterfall is Angel Falls in Venezuela. It was named after Jimmie Angel, an American who was the first person to fly a plane over it in 1933. Recently, Venezuela’s president suggested that this place should be officially renamed Kerepakupai Meru, which is what the indigenous Pemon Indians have always called it. The coming weeks happen to be a favorable time for you to consider making a comparable move, Libra: restoring a natural wonder to its original innocence; rehabilitating the truth about a beautiful resource; returning an old glory to its pristine state.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
In the first half of 2010, your calling will be calling to you more loudly and insistently than it has in years. It will whisper to you seductively while you’re falling asleep. It will clang like a salvation bell during your mid-morning breaks. It will soothe you with its serpentine tones and it will agitate you with its rippling commands to spring into action. How will you respond to these summonses from your supreme inner authority? This week will be a good test.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
“You can have it all,” says fashion designer Luella Bartley. “It’s just really hard work.” That’s my oracle for you, Sagittarius — not just for this week, but for the next three months as well. According to my reading of the astrological omens, the cosmos will indeed permit you to have your cake and eat it, too, as long as you’re willing to manage your life with more discipline, master the crucial little details everyone else neglects, and always give back at least as much as you’re given.

Free Will Astrology

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Imagine that money is not just the literal cash and checks you give and receive, but that it is also an invisible force of nature like gravity or electromagnetism. Then imagine that it’s possible for this primal energy to be favorably disposed toward you—that on some occasions its rhythms may be more closely aligned with your personal needs. Can you picture that, Aquarius? I hope so, because there is a sense in which this seeming fantasy will be an actuality for you during much of 2010. How well you’re able to capitalize will depend in part on how high you keep your integrity levels. Are you prepared to be more impeccably ethical, fair, and honest than you’ve ever been?

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Have you been toiling away earnestly at the exhausting homework that life has dumped on you this past year? Have you kept the faith even when you’ve been fooled and confused? Have you applied yourself with a pure heart to the maddening details and puzzling riddles you’ve been asked to master? If you’ve been less than conscientious at doing these tasks, the next two months will bring you a series of tricky final exams. But if you have been doing your due diligence, then you’re on the brink of graduating from boring old problems that you have been studying and studying and studying for a long time. Do we dare hope that you will soon be free of a history that has repeated itself ad nauseam? Yes, I think we do dare.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
I don’t understand why the astronomers responsible for naming new-found objects are so devoid of flair. Here’s a prime example: They found a blazar, or blazing quasi-stellar object, in a faraway galaxy. It’s powered by a supermassive black hole that’s 10 billion times larger than our sun. Why did they give this fantastic oddity the crushingly boring name “Q0906+6930”? Couldn’t they have called it something like “Queen Anastasia” or “Blessed Quasimodo” or “Gastromopolopolis”? I trust you won’t be as lazy in your approach to all the exotic discoveries you’re going to be making in 2010, Aries. Start getting your imagination in top shape. Make sure it’s primed and ready for your upcoming walkabout to the far reaches of reality.

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
Scientists say that pretty much everywhere you go on this planet, you are always within three feet of a spider. That will be an especially useful and colorful truth for you to keep in mind during 2010. Hopefully it’ll inspire you to take maximum advantage of your own spider-like potentials. It’s going to be web-spinning time, Taurus: an excellent phase in your long-term life cycle to weave an extended network — with you at the hub — that will help you catch an abundance of the resources you need.

GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
I don’t normally recommend that you worry too much about what others think of you. In 2010, however, you could benefit from thinking about that subject more than usual. Judging from the astrological omens, I suspect that you’ll be able to correct misunderstandings that have negatively affected your reputation. You might even have the power to shift people’s images of you so that they’re in relatively close alignment with the truth about who you actually are. Here’s the best news: You may be more popular than you’ve ever been.

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
I’m hoping that you will get out more in 2010. And I mean way out. Far out. Not just out to the unexplored hotspots on the other side of town (although that would be good), but also out to marvelous sanctuaries on the other side of paradise. Not just out to the parts of the human zoo where you feel right at home, but also out to places in the urban wilderness where you’ll encounter human types previously unknown to you. In conclusion, traveler, let me ask you this: What was the most kaleidoscopic trip you’ve ever taken? Consider the possibility of surpassing it in the next 12 months.

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
One of the 20th century’s greatest scientific minds was Nobel Prize-winning physicist Max Planck. He knew that in his field, like most others, ingenious innovation doesn’t automatically rise to the top. The advancement of good new ideas is hampered by the conservatism and careerism of scientists. “A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light,” he wrote, “but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.” In 2010, Leo, there’ll be a similar principle at work in your sphere. Influences that have been impeding the emergence of excellence will burn out, dissipate, or lose their mojo. As a result, you’ll be able to express and take advantage of innovations that have previously been quashed.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Twenty-two percent of American rightwing fundamentalists believe that Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. On the other hand, 73 percent of the people who read my horoscopes think that if there were such a thing as an Anti-Christ, he would be an American rightwing fundamentalist. But I’d like to discourage speculations like that among the Virgo tribe in 2010. According to my reading of the omens, you should take at least a year off from getting worked up about your version of the devil. Whoever you demonize, just let them alone for a while. Whatever you tend to fault as the cause of the world’s problems, give your blame mechanism a rest. As much as possible, create for yourself an Enemy-Free Zone.

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
I’m hoping that 2010 will be the year you do whatever it takes to fall more deeply in love with the work you do. I’d like to see you reshape the job you have so that it better suits your soul’s imperatives. If that’s not possible, consider looking for or even creating a new job. The cosmos will be conspiring to help you accomplish this. Both hidden and not-so-hidden helpers will be nudging you to earn your livelihood in ways that serve your highest ideals and make you feel at peace with your destiny.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
“It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)” is a jazz tune composed in 1931 by Duke Ellington and Irving Mills. In accordance with your long-term astrological omens, I propose that we make that song title your motto in 2010 — the standard you’ll keep referring to as you evaluate which experiences you want to pursue and which you don’t. Please proceed on the assumption that you should share your life energy primarily with people and situations that make your soul sing and tingle and swing.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
I hope you will get more sleep in 2010. And eat better food, too. And embark on some regimen like meditation that will reduce your stress levels. In general, Sagittarius, I hope you will learn a lot more about what makes your body function at optimum levels, and I hope you will diligently apply what you learn. That doesn’t mean I think you should be an obsequiously well-behaved pillar of the community. On the contrary, what I’m envisioning is that by taking better care of yourself you will make yourself strong enough to run wilder and freer.

Homework: Create a title that captures the essence of what you hope to accomplish in 2010, like “The Year I Become a Modest Super-Hero.” FreeWillAstrology.com

Free Will Astrology

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
“Dear Rob: I love to be proven wrong. That’s not an ironic statement. I actually get excited and feel creative when I acquire new information that shows me I’ve been operating under a misunderstanding. One of my very favorite life moments occurs when I am convincingly liberated from a negative opinion I’ve been harboring about someone. As you can tell, I’m quite proud of this quality. The way I see it, emotional wealth and psychological health involve having so much self-respect that I don’t need to be right all the time. -Sagittarian Freedom Fighter.” Dear Freedom Fighter: Thanks for your testimony. The capacity you described is one that many Sagittarians will be poised to expand in 2010. And this is an excellent week for them to start getting the hang of it. Happy birthday to Kelly Davis, Jon Montes, Andrew Wickens, Michelle Bush, and Kym Greeley.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
In an early version of the tale of Pinocchio, friendly woodpeckers chiseled his nose back to its original size after it had grown enormous from his incorrigible lying. From a metaphorical perspective, Capricorn, a comparable development may soon occur in your own life. A benevolent (if somewhat rough) intervention akin to the woodpeckers’ assistance will shrink an overgrown, top-heavy part of your attitude, allowing you to proceed to the next chapter of your story with streamlined grace.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
“There is light enough for those who wish to see,” wrote French philosopher Blaise Pascal, “and darkness enough for those of the opposite disposition.” I’m hoping you will align yourself with the first group in the coming week, Aquarius. More than ever before, what you choose to focus on will come rushing in to meet you, touch you, teach you, and prompt you to respond. Even if all the smart people you know seem to be drunk on the darkness, I encourage you to be a brave rebel who insists on equal time for the light.

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
White dwarfs are small and extremely dense stars. They’re typically no bigger than the Earth but as heavy as the sun. You currently have a resemblance to one of those concentrated balls of pure intensity. I have rarely seen you offering so much bang for the buck. You are as flavorful as chocolate mousse, as piercing as the scent of eucalyptus, as lustrous as a fireworks display on a moonless night. Personally, I’m quite attracted to your saucy and zesty emanations, and I think most people with strong egos will be. But some underachievers with lower self-esteem may regard you as being more like astringent medicine. My advice: Gravitate toward those who like you to be powerful.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
When Carolee Schneeman was a kid, her extravagant adoration of nature earned her the nickname “mad pantheist.” Later, during her career as a visual artist, she described her relationship with the world this way: “I assume the senses crave sources of maximum information, that the eye benefits by exercise, stretch, and expansion towards materials of complexity and substance.” I hope that you’re attracted to that perspective right now, Aries. To be in most productive alignment with the cosmic rhythms, you should be in a state of nearly ecstatic openness, hungry to be stretched — like a mad pantheist.

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
“Dear Rob: Last night my son and I were star-gazing. When we focused on the constellation Cassiopeia, an owl started hooting. Then a brilliant shooting star zipped by as a huge bat flew right over our heads. Was this a bad omen? Bats are creepy — associated with vampires. And in Greek mythology Cassiopeia got divine punishment because she bragged that she and her daughter were more beautiful than the sea god’s daughters. But I don’t know, maybe this blast of odd events was a good omen. Owls are symbols of wisdom and shooting stars are lucky, right? What do you think? Are we blessed or cursed? -Spooked Taurus.” Dear Spooked: The question of whether it’s good or bad luck is irrelevant. Here’s what’s important: You Tauruses are in a phase when the hidden workings of things will be shown to you — the mysterious magic that’s always bubbling below the surface but that is usually not visible.

GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
The week ahead will be a ripe time to pull off magic reversals. May I suggest that you try to transform dishwater greys into sparkling golds? Or how about recycling the dead energy of a lost cause in such a way as to generate raw fuel for a fresh start? I’m confident, Gemini, that you’ll be able to discover treasure hidden in the trash, and that you’ll find a way to unleash the creative zeal that has been trapped inside polite numbness. Now ponder this riddle, please: Do you think there’s any mystical significance in the fact that the word “stressed” is “desserts” spelled backwards?

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Lately you remind me of the person Robert Hass describes in his poem “Time and Materials”: “someone falling down and getting up and running and falling and getting up.” I’m sending you my compassion for the times you fall down, and my admiration for the times you get up, and my excitement for the times you run. It has probably become clear to you by now that the falling down isn’t a shameful thing to be cursed, but rather is an instrumental part of the learning process that is teaching you marvelous secrets about getting back up and running.

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
“I burn for no reason, like a lantern in daylight,” writes poet Joseph Lease. I think that’s a succinct formulation of one of your central issues, Leo. Burning for no reason, like a lantern in the daylight, can be the cause of either failure or success for you, depending on subtle differences of emphasis. This is how it can be failure: When you’re mindlessly and wastefully burning through your prodigious reserves of fuel without any concern for the benefits it may provide you and others. This is how it can be success: When you are exuberant and self-disciplined in shining your light and radiating your warmth just because it feels so good and so right and so healthy, and without any thought about whether it’s “useful” to anyone.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
In one of his short poems, John Averill (twitter.com/wiremesa) describes a scene that I think captures the essence of your current astrological omens: “Today is the day of the photo of moonrise over Havana in a book on a shelf in the snowbound cabin.” Here’s a clue about what it means: The snowbound cabin is where you are right now in your life. The moonrise over Havana is where you could be early in 2010. How do you get there from here?

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
An estuary is a bay where the salt water of a sea mixes with the fresh water of rivers. These days you remind me of such a place. You are two-toned, Libra. You’re dual-purpose and double-tracked. You’re a hybrid blend of the yes and the no, the give and the take, the extravagant and the traditional. And somehow this has been working out pretty well for you. You’re not so much a dysfunctional contradiction as an interesting juxtaposition. You’re not being crushed by a squeeze of opposites so much as you’re getting massaged by the oscillating throbs of complementary influences. Keep doing what you’ve been doing, only more so.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Big shiny egos with flashy tricks may be mucking around in everyone’s business, calling narcissistic attention to themselves as they pretend to do noble deeds. Meanwhile, I hope you’ll be doing the hard, detailed work that must be done to serve the greater good — quietly and unpretentiously improving people’s lives without demanding major tribute. That approach will stir up some sleek, silky karma that will come in handy when you undertake the building of your masterpiece in 2010.

Homework: Meditate on the difference between your fearful fantasies and your accurate intuitions. For inspiration, listen to my free podcast at www.bit.ly/unqAj

Free Will Astrology

Photo from The Scope’s Flickr Pool by Colin Tobin

Rob Brezsny clears Sagittarius for take-off.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
Have you resolved every last detail of your unfinished business? Have you tied up the loose ends, flushed out the lingering delusions, and said your final goodbyes to the old ways and old days? “Yes,” you say? You’re absolutely positive? Well then, it is with a deep sense of pleasure and relief that I hereby unbound you and unleash you. You are officially cleared for take-off into the wild blue yonder or the fizzy red vortex or the swirling green amazement, whichever you prefer. Happy birthday to Sara Tilley, Sharleen Simmons, Sharona Clarke, Duane Andrews and Joanne Fennelly.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
“There is a saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears,” writes Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves. But the magic of that formula may not unfold with smooth simplicity, she says: “The teacher comes when the soul, not the ego, is ready. The teacher comes when the soul calls, and thank goodness — for the ego is never fully ready.” I’d love it if the information I just provided encouraged you to feel right at home with the jarring yet nurturing lessons that are on the way.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
In the ancient Greek epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey, the nature of the psyche was portrayed differently from the way it is today. It was understood that people received information directly from the gods — not as vague feelings or abstract guesswork, but rather in the form of actual voices. In other words, divine beings spoke directly to human beings. These days that’s regarded as crazy; witness the incredulous reactions that most smart people had when George W. Bush said God personally told him to invade Iraq. With that as subtext, I’m going to prophesy that a deity will soon have a message for you. Be careful, though. An imposter may also slip you tips that you’d best ignore. How to tell the difference? The real thing won’t make you feel inflated or urge you to cause harm.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
In the coming week, keep a lookout for invisible snakes, pretend ghosts, and illusory dragons. Be prepared to gaze upon gruff displays that are no threat to you and hints of fermenting chaos that will never materialize. In other words, Pisces, your subconscious mind may be prone to conjuring up imaginary problems that have little basis in reality. I exhort you to fling them aside like a superhero brushing off toy monsters.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
“A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startled us,” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. My wish for you, Aries, is that you will have many such days in the coming weeks. In fact, I hope that you will be blessed over and over again with the hair-raising thrill of having your imagination pricked, causing it to half-blossom, half-explode. To get the most out of the fantastic possibilities, set aside any tendency you might have to be a know-it-all, and instead open up your heart’s mind and your mind’s heart as wide and deep as they will go.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
In the beginning of his career, poet Linh Dinh loved to stay up late and write, sometimes riding a creative surge till dawn. The power of the darkness unleashed a stark fertility. He was free to think thoughts that were harder to invoke during the bright hours when hordes of wide-awake people were pouring their chattering thoughts out into the soup. Dinh’s habits changed as he aged, though, in part because he got married and chose to keep more regular hours. But his early imprint has stayed alive inside him. “Now I can write at any time of the day,” he says, “because I always carry the night inside of me.” In accordance with your astrological omens, Taurus, I’m making that your prescription for the coming week: Carry the night inside you during the day.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Mark, a friend of mine who lives in New Jersey, sent an overnight package via UPS to Jerry, a friend of his who lives 30 miles away in Pennsylvania. The delivery arrived on time, so Mark was happy with the service. But in checking the tracking information online, he discovered a curious thing: His package was loaded onto three different airplanes, passed through five different UPS offices, and eventually traveled over a thousand miles in order to arrive at Jerry’s house. I expect there’ll be a comparable scenario in your world, Gemini: A wish will be fulfilled by a very circuitous route.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Strictly speaking — going purely by the astrological omens — I conclude that you would generate amazing cosmic luck if you translated the Beatles’ song “Norwegian Wood” into Punjabi, wore shoes made of 18th-century velvet, or tried out for a Turkish volleyball team. I doubt you’ll get it together to pull off those exotic feats, however, so I’ll also provide some second-best suggestions. You won’t receive quite as much cosmic assistance from doing them, but you’ll still benefit considerably. Here are the back-ups: Begin planning where and when you’ll take a sacred vacation in 2010; meditate on who among your current allies is most likely to help you expand your world in the next 12 months; decide which of your four major goals is the least crucial to pursue; and do something dramatic to take yourself less seriously.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The most popular hobby in my home country of America — even more popular than owning guns and pressing lawsuits — is cultivating fears. From agonizing about being lonely to ramping up paranoia about pandemic illnesses to worrying about the collapse of the economy, my fellow citizens love to fret. Outside the U.S., angst accumulation ranks almost as high on the list of pastimes. Luckily, you Leos are less likely to wallow than most of the other signs — especially these days. That’s why I hope you’ll take a leadership role in the coming weeks, when many people will be dipping even deeper than usual into the fetid trough of scaremongering. Please help dispel this trend! Be your most radiant and courageous self — even bigger and brighter than usual.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
An article in the Online Noetics Network profiled the work of Robert Muller, who served as Assistant Secretary-General of the United Nations. It said that Muller is “one of the best informed human beings on the planet,” with an “encyclopedic grasp of the facts concerning the state of the world.” And yet Muller doesn’t keep up with the news as it’s reported in the media. Instead, he simply talks to people, either in person as he travels, or on the phone, or through written correspondence. These interactions provide him with all the understanding he needs. I recommend that you try Muller’s approach for a while, Virgo. Assume that you can get all the information you really need by gathering first-hand reports from people about what’s actually happening in their lives.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
I think it’s high time to mess with the tried and true formulas. In order to do the most good for the most people, and to regenerate a wounded and weak part of yourself, you simply must create some cracks in the way things have always been done. You must push beyond your overly safe limits. But wait! Before you plunge ahead, make sure you understand this: If you want to break the rules properly, you’ve got to study them and analyze them and learn them inside out.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
“There’s nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly,” said philosopher Buckminster Fuller. I encourage you to make that your personal motto in the coming weeks, Scorpio. From what I can tell, you are capable of generating a transformation that will look impossible to casual observers. You have the power to change something that everyone said would never change.

Homework: Make a guess about what you will be most proud of 15 years from today. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Free Will Astrology

Beatrice di Folco Portinari was the principal inspiration for Dante Alighieri’s Vita Nuova. Painting by Rossetti.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your anti-role model—the person you should be the opposite of — is the Scorpio warrior, U.S. General George Patton, also known as “Old Blood and Guts.” He once said, “Practically everyone but myself is a pusillanimous son of a bitch.” That’s an attitude you should especially avoid in the coming weeks, since your success will depend on you seeing the best in people—even if they sometimes don’t seem to warrant it. P.S. It may be okay to think of yourself as “Old Blood and Guts” if and only if you dedicate your ferocity to the service of smart love and ingenious collaboration. Happy birthday to Eamon, Ryan Cleary, Ben Jackson, Bryhanna Greenough and Sara Tilley.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
Congratulations, Sagittarius! Free Will Astrology’s Task Force on Creative Suffering has confirmed that your current dilemmas are exceptionally interesting and useful. You have demonstrated an impressive talent for getting embroiled in riddles that promise to bring out your dormant reserves of vitality and ingenuity. The dumfounding questions you’ve been wrestling with are high-caliber tests that have drawn you closer to the heart of the reasons you’re here on Earth. Take full advantage of this beautiful mess, my dear. Chaos this fertile is hard to come by.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
When Dante was nine years old, long before he became one of Italy’s supreme poets, he fell in love with Beatrice, an eight-year-old girl he met at a May Day party. They never had a close relationship. In the years after their initial encounter, they met infrequently, and both eventually married other people. But Beatrice played a crucial role throughout Dante’s life, although she died at the age of 24. She was not just his muse, but also his “beatitude, the destroyer of all vices and the queen of virtue, salvation.” Dante even wrote her into his Divine Comedy in the role of a guide. Is there any person or influence in your life equivalent to Beatrice? Any once-upon-a-time blessing that might be ready to give you the fullness of the gifts it has been waiting all this time to deliver?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
I would love it if you could find a sword that could cut itself. Or a fire that could burn itself. Or some water you could wash. But even if you can conjure the magic to attract an experience that simply resembles one of those marvelous paradoxes, it would set in motion a series of epiphanies that would liberate you from an inferior paradox — a confusing absurdity that is not worthy of you and that has been draining your life force.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The planets are aligned in such a way that suggests you may be able to experience an orgasm solely by meditating. This rare cosmic alignment also means that it’s conceivable you could generate money or attract new resources by following your holy bliss, or that you might stumble upon the tricky treasure you’ve been looking for in all the wrong places. But I can’t say for sure that you will actually be able to capitalize on any of these remarkable opportunities. It will depend on whether you can more fully express one of the skills that is your birthright as a Pisces: being wild and disciplined at the same time.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
There was a time when wetlands were considered dismal and unproductive. At best they were thought to be a waste of space, and at worst stinky breeding grounds for insect pests. For over 200 years, many marshes, bogs, and swamps were filled with dirt and transformed into places suitable for farms, houses, and recreational areas. But all that has changed in the last 30 years. Science has rehabilitated the reputation of wetlands, showing how crucial they are. They clean toxins from water, help control floods and soil erosion, and are home to more biological diversity than any other ecosystem. The coming weeks would be an excellent time for you to make a comparable conversion, Aries. Something you once demeaned or underestimated could become an inspirational catalyst.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
In the coming week, you will have the potential to articulate what has never been spoken before and to name truths that everyone has been avoiding. Uncoincidentally, you may also be able to hear what you’ve never been able to hear up until now and tune in to truths you’ve been oblivious to. As you might imagine, Taurus, you must fully activate both of these capacities in order for either to function at its best.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Nature’s rhythm is cyclical. Everything alive waxes and wanes. If you’re smart, you honor that flow by periodically letting parts of your world wither or go to sleep. If you’re not so smart, you set yourself up for needless pain by indulging in the delusion that you can enjoy uninterrupted growth. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Gemini, this is your time to explore the creative possibilities of ebbing and slackening. Ask yourself the following question, which I’ve borrowed from the Jungian author Clarissa Pinkola Estes: “What must I allow to die today in order to generate more life tomorrow?”

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Pregnant women sometimes have unusual cravings. From the fourth to sixth month of her daughter’s gestation period, for example, my friend Marta was on occasion beset by the longing to eat toothpaste. I’ve known other women who fantasized about nibbling on mud, coffee grounds, and chalk. Fortunately, they all resisted the urge, which is what health practitioners recommend. Instead they tried to figure out if their bodies were trying to tell them about some legitimate deficiency of vitamins or minerals. I offer this to you as a metaphor to keep in mind. As your own special creation ripens, you may experience odd desires. Don’t necessarily take them at face value.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
It might be tempting to turn your home into a womb-like sanctuary and explore the mysteries of doing absolutely nothing while clad in your pajamas. And frankly, this might be a good idea. After the risks you’ve taken to reach out to the other side, after the bridges you’ve built in the midst of the storms, after the skirmishes you’ve fought in the Gossip Wars, you have every right to retreat and get your homebody persona humming at a higher vibration. So I say: Be meticulously leisurely as you celebrate the deep pleasures of self-care.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
“Hey Rob: I was having trouble finishing my novel — typical writer’s block. So I sidetracked myself into making silly creative projects — papier-mache chickens, masks made out of junk mail, collages incorporating bottle caps and dryer lint. I can’t say any of it is ‘art,’ but I feel creative again and my house is full of colorful stuff I whipped up myself. If you wait to be perfect, I concluded, you’ll never make anything. I tried something I knew I’d be bad at, so failure didn’t matter. Now I’m branching out with my inadequacy — not waiting for Mr. Perfect but having a beer with Joe Flawed, forgetting to be right all the time, admitting that I haven’t a clue. I’ve become smilingly, brilliantly dumb. —Inappropriate Virgo.” Dear Inappropriate: Congrats! You’re doing exactly what I want to advise all Virgos everywhere to try.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
At a yard sale today, I paid a dollar for a stained, pocket-sized horoscope book with many of its pages missing. The reason I made such an odd investment is that it had a forecast for Libra for the first part of November 2009, and this forecast struck me as even more useful than the horoscope I had composed for you. As a public service, I’m providing it here. “The graceful dragonfly lives for just a few months. But a sequoia tree’s time on earth can last 2,000 years. In the same way, some bonds, some creations, some worlds, endure for a mere blink in eternity, while others are destined to outfox the ravages of time. What will be the lifespan of the dream you recently hatched, Libra? It is time to decide and take action.”

Homework: I invite you to launch a crusade to raise the level of well-being everywhere you go. Report results to FreeWillAstrology.com

Free Will Astrology

Photo from The Scope Flickr pool by Adam Penney

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
The astrological vibes suggest that you open yourself wide, try everything, and give freely. I urge you to adapt as your motto an exhortation that once came out of the mouth of the seven-year-old cartoon character Dennis the Menace: “Hey! Wake up! Let’s go everywhere and do everything!” More than any other phase in many moons, Scorpio, this is your moment to make YES your battle cry. The world is asking you to be bigger than the old you, wilder than five blood oaths put together, and as strong as the full moon rising over a mountain. Happy birthday to Diana Daly, Helen Gregory, Gabriel Piller and Jerry Stamp.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
The average middle class person alive today has more goodies than the kings and queens of times past. In fact, even during this time of economic retrenchment, most of us have a higher standard of living than 99 percent of all the humans who’ve ever walked the planet. In pointing this out, I don’t mean to discount the suffering of those who’ve lost their jobs and homes. But I think it’s helpful to keep our collective deprivations in perspective. Similarly, I like to remember that no matter how much our personal trials may test us, they are more bearable than, say, the tribulations of the generation that lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Keep this in mind, Sagittarius. As you wander in the limbo between the end of one chapter of your life story and the beginning of the next chapter, it’ll really help to stay conscious of how blessed you are. Halloween costume suggestion: a saint tending to the needs of the dispossessed and underprivileged.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
It’s prime time for intense and momentous social events. Of the gatherings you may attend, I hope you’ll find at least one that fits the following descriptions: 1. a warm fluidic web of catalytic energy where you awaken to new possibilities about how to create close alliances; 2. a sweet, jangly uproar where you encounter a strange attractor — a freaky influence that makes the hair on the back of your neck rise and lights up the fertile parts of your imagination; 3. a sacred party where you get a novel vision of how to connect with the divine realms more viscerally. Halloween costume suggestion: something that incorporates a hub, wheel, or web.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
The members of the congregation at St. Peter-at-Gowts Church in Lincoln, England had a minor crisis a few years ago. For years, they had prayed to a very old stone sculpture they assumed was a likeness of the Virgin Mary. Then a nosy archaeologist came poking around and informed them that the figure was actually Arimanius, the god of the underworld in the ancient Mithraic religion. I encourage you to make sure you’re not under a comparable misimpression, Aquarius. This is an excellent time, astrologically speaking, for you to seek the help of higher powers, but it’s crucial that you direct your invocations to the right source.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Some of history’s worst tyrants have been terrified by kittens. Napoleon, Genghis Khan, and Mussolini all had ailurophobia, a morbid and irrational fear of domestic felines. Alexander the Great and Julius Caesar were also discombobulated by cats. I bring this up, Pisces, because it reminds me of a certain situation in your life. I’m betting that a pushy or domineering influence that distorts your emotions will soon be susceptible to being spooked by a seemingly harmless little thing. Maybe you could turn this into a permanent advantage. How skilled are you at purring?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
“The clouds are the most fertile part of the sky,” writes Guy Murchie in his book The Seven Mysteries of Life. Microbes with short life cycles live there in abundance, “eating, breathing, excreting, floating, swimming, competing, reproducing.” Next time you look up at a puffy cumulus, see it as a large city that hosts a teeming host of living things. Speaking of invisible fecundity, let’s turn our attention to you. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you are largely unaware of how much creative energy has been building up within you. Your homework is to tap into it and unleash it.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
My friend Alcea, the pagan priestess who leads group rituals, is a responsible sort who has humble respect for the power of the spirit realms. She thinks there can be value in seeking help from the beings who dwell on the other side of the veil, but you’ve got to be careful. They can be as clueless and misguided as the less evolved characters who live on the material plane. That’s why Alcea is especially impeccable around this time of year, when the veil between the worlds is thinner and our dimension is more accessible to the spirits. Having said all that as a caveat, Taurus, I want to let you know that this would be an excellent time for you to call on the help of your most intelligent, interesting, and loving ancestors.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
“He who loves 50 people has 50 woes,” said Buddha. “He who loves no one has no woes.” Even if you agree with this sour observation, I urge you to override the warning it implies. Now, more than ever, you can and should attract rich benefits into your life by expanding the frontiers of your empathy — even if it means you will feel the hurts of others more deeply. And what exactly are those rich benefits? Here’s one: Getting close-up views of the ways people suffer will help you avoid suffering like that yourself in the future.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
In the film Postcards from the Edge, the character played by Meryl Streep made a monumental declaration: “Instant gratification takes too long.” I know exactly what she meant. Sometimes I wish I could have what I want before I have to endure even a moment of frustrated longing. I bring this up, my fellow Cancerian, because in the coming week we may get our yearnings satisfied before we fully express them. Of course, there could be a downside to this situation: Since the magic will be materializing so quickly, you’d better be very sure you really want what you even start to wish for.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Cement is the most common human-made material in the world. Combined with water to make concrete, it is a fundamental ingredient in many buildings and roads. And yet no one knew its precise structure until recently. Then a group of scientists figured out that its strength comes not from its orderliness but rather from its messiness. At the atomic level, cement’s molecules display both regular geometric patterns and areas of random variation. It’s in these chaotic areas that water molecules bind with the cement, creating a structure that’s both flexible and robust. This is the kind of foundation I urge you to work on in the coming weeks, Leo — a configuration that will endure exactly because it has a lot of give.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
In my dream last night, the High Priestess from the Tarot deck came to life and gave me the following message: “Tell Virgos that when their deep hunger starts to stir, they should not eat from the bowl of delicious seeds. That meager meal would not satisfy their deep hunger. Rather, they should plant those seeds and let them grow up. The resulting harvest will satisfy their deep hunger.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
It’s an excellent time to see if you can remove some of the neurotic twitches from your erotic itches. For example, you could use all your ingenuity to talk yourself out of the silly guilt you feel for having a certain idiosyncratic desire — a desire that, if acted out, would hurt no one, and that is therefore, by definition, healthy. Here’s another possibility: You could invoke the full powers of your imagination as you free yourself from things that prevent you from experiencing maximum pleasure, like old wounds, simmering anger, rank egotism, and limiting beliefs.

Free Will Astrology

Photo by Rachel Jean Harding posted to The Scope Flickr pool.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Amazingly enough, the good deeds you do in the next 21 days could alone qualify you for a permanent exemption from hell. It seems God has cooked up some imminent tests that will give you a chance to garner some ridiculously sublime karma. What’s that you say? You don’t believe in either God or hell? Well then, interpret the opportunity this way: The good deeds you perform in the coming three weeks could practically ensure that the sins you’ve committed thus far in your life will not stain the world or be passed on as IOUs to the next generation. Happy birthday to Justin Simms, Craig Cantwell, Helen Gregory and Michael Phillips.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
In 1968, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn finished his book The Gulag Archipelago, a scorching indictment of the oppression that he and his countrymen suffered under the totalitarian regime of the Soviet Union. Banned for years, it was never formally published in his home country until 1989. Even after that, the new Russian government tried to control the teaching of history by suppressing texts like Solzhenitsyn’s. This year, all that changed. The Gulag Archipelago became required reading in Russian high schools. At last, the truth is officially available. (Maybe one day the equivalent will happen in the U.S., with alternate histories by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky finding their way into the curriculum.) I celebrate this breakthrough as a symbol of the events that are about to unfold in your personal life: the long-lost truth finally revealed.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
John, a colleague of mine, is a skillful psychotherapist. His father is in a similar occupation, psychoanalysis. If you ask John whether his dad gave him a good understanding of the human psyche while he was growing up, John quotes the old maxim: “The shoemaker’s son has no shoes.” Is there any comparable theme in your own life, Capricorn? Some talent or knowledge or knack that should have been but was not a part of your inheritance; a natural gift you were somehow cheated out of in your early environment? If so, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to start recovering from your loss and getting the good stuff you have coming to you.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Let’s imagine that an independent filmmaker has been following you around, gathering footage for a movie based on the story of your life. This week he or she would face a dilemma. That’s because unexpected new sub-plots may arise, veering off in directions that seem to be far afield from the core themes. The acting of the central players won’t be bad or unskillful, but it might be out of character with what they’ve done before. And there could be anomalous intrusions that impinge on the main scenes, like a bug landing on your nose during an intense conversation. Yet I can’t help wondering if this chapter of the tale won’t be extra intriguing for just these reasons.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
“Tenderness and rot / share a border,” writes the U.S. Poet Laureate Kay Ryan in one of her poems. “And rot is an / aggressive neighbor / whose iridescence / keeps creeping over.” Your job in the coming week, Pisces, is to reinforce that border — with a triple-thick wall, if necessary — so that the rot cannot possibly ooze over and infect tenderness. It is especially important right now that the sweet, deep intimacy you dole out and stimulate will not get corrupted by falseness or sentimentality. I urge you to stir up the smartest affection you have ever created.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The poet Stephen Mallarmé wrote the following in a letter to a friend: “I don’t know which of my internal climates I should explore in order to find you and meet you.” I love that passage. It alludes to one of the central facts about the nature of reality: The quality of your consciousness is crucial in determining whether you’ll be able to attract the resources that are essential to your dreams coming true. In order to get what you want, you have to work on yourself at least as hard as you work on the world around you. This is always true, of course, but it’s especially true for you now, Aries.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Is there anything in your life that you don’t really want but nevertheless find it hard to part with? A situation or experience that gives you a perverse sense of comfort because of its familiarity, even though it has a steep emotional cost and doesn’t serve your higher dreams? If so, the coming week will be an excellent time to change your relationship with it. You will make dramatic progress if you brainstorm about how you could break up the stagnant energy that keeps you entranced and entrapped.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
One of my New Age friends says she has it on good authority that the Seven Lords of Time will reconvene in their Himalayan sanctuary on December 21, 2012 and reinvent the nature of time, as they last did back in 3114 BC. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but if it is, I say “hallelujah!” We would all benefit from some big-time reinvention of time. But that happy event, even if it actually does come to pass, is still more than three years away. What to do in the meantime? Luckily, you Geminis now have major personal power to do some time reinvention of your own. To get the meditations rolling, ask yourself what three things you could do to stop fighting time and start loving it better.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Soup is your metaphor for the week, Cancerian. Symbolically speaking, it’s the key to your personal power and a model for the approach you should take in everything you do. On the most basic level, you might want to eat some soup every day. That will make potent suggestions to your subconscious mind about how to mix lots of ingredients together so that their value and beauty as a totality are more than the sum of their parts. Not just in the kitchen, but in every area of your life, blend many little miscellaneous things into one big interesting thing.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Change your password. Take a different way home. Ask a question you’ve never asked. Dream up a new nickname for yourself. Choose a new lucky number. Change the way you tell the story about an important event in your past. Make it a little more difficult for people to have you pegged. Eat a type of food you’ve never tried. Do the research necessary to discover why one of your opinions may be wrong. Add a new step to your grooming ritual. Feel appreciation for a person whose charms you’ve become numb to. Surprise yourself at least once a day.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
One of the best modern Turkish poets was Seyfettin Bascillar, who worked as a meat inspector in New Jersey for many years before his death in 2002. Nobel Prize-winning poet Czesaw Miosz lived in Berkeley, California for over four decades while writing his books in Polish, his native tongue. Iceland’s great poet of the 20th century, Stephan G. Stephansson, lived in Canada most of his life but always wrote in Icelandic. These people remind me of what you’re going through: striving to do what comes natural and authentic in a situation very different from the place where you originally learned to be natural and authentic. The interesting fact of the matter is that this feeling of displacement could very well be the key to your success.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The sun shines brighter on my new home. The old place had resemblances to a cave and was surrounded by tall trees. My new space is surrounded by a wide sky and drinks in the solar radiance from dawn to dusk. As you might expect, my 15 plants need to drink a lot more than they used to. The watering ritual at the old house used to come once a week, but now it’s every other day. According to my reading of the astrological omens, a comparable shift is occurring in your rhythm, Libra. Metaphorically speaking, more heat and light are coming your way.

Free Will Astrology

Photo by peterjhanes

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
This is an excellent time to celebrate the pleasures of emptiness . . . to extol the virtues of the blank slate . . . to be open to endless possibilities but committed to none . . . to bask in the freedom of not having to be anything, anyone, or anywhere. Are you smart enough to need no motto to live by? Are you resourceful enough to rely on nothing but the raw truth of the present moment? If so, you will thrive in the coming days. Happy birthday to Dana Cooper, Sarah Rowe, Gemma Schlamp-Hickey and Todd Vere-Holloway.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
During the dialog about health care in the U.S., certain highly relevant facts are never discussed. For example, it’s ludicrous for right-wingers to fear that a government-run health system would freshly infect our capitalist system with the stain of socialism. The truth is, America has long had the biggest socialist enterprise in the world: its sprawling military establishment, which is completely paid for by taxpayer dollars and run by the government! Another unacknowledged fact is this: The single smartest strategy for financing universal health care (as well as dramatically improving the economy) would be to reduce military expenditures. Americans don’t seem to realize that their monstrously huge military empire is a case of supreme overkill: It girdles the globe in ways that are unprecedented in the history of civilization. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, to illustrate the way that a seemingly serious discussion can be thrown off course and rendered unproductive when it ignores critical information. Please make sure nothing like that happens in your personal sphere in the coming weeks.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
In the coming weeks, your medicinal effect and your power to incite change will be peaking simultaneously. You may heal people by shaking their certainties or you may scare people as you motivate them to shed their lazy approaches. You could be a stringently benevolent force or a disruptive fixer of broken things. My only advice for you is to work hard to stay humble. The potency of your influence might tempt you to get full of yourself, and that would undermine the beauty of your impact.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
I’m embarrassed to confess that when I’m shopping for an herbal supplement I’ve never bought before, my choice is unduly influenced by how much I like the packaging. For example, I might opt for the brassy orange and white bottle with bold black lettering over the brand with the washed-out blue-green color scheme and delicate purple font. I hope you won’t fall victim to any version of my folly, Capricorn. It’s especially important that you make your decisions based on a piercing analysis of the inner contents, not a superficial survey of the outer display.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Study the following facts to derive oracular clues about your upcoming destiny. 1) Some bacteria are inimical to human beings, but others are friendly, like the creatures that inhabit your intestine and help you digest the food you eat. 2) There are snakes whose venom is poisonous in large doses but healing in small amounts. 3) The term “demon” is derived from the ancient Greek term “daimon,” which referred not to an evil supernatural being but to a benevolent guardian spirit that conferred blessings on a person.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
On the website “Yahoo! Answers,” readers pose questions that are answered by other readers who have expertise on the subject. In a recent entry, a young woman asked, “Is there a spell to become a mermaid that actually works?” Of the 50+ replies, most are snarky and mean, ridiculing the asker of the question, and not a single one gives useful information. I encourage you to offer your own insight on the subject sometime soon. (Go to tinyurl.com/mdclt4.) You are now at the peak of your ability to act, think, feel, love, and dream like a mythical sea creature.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Jonathan Lee Riches is renowned for filing numerous lawsuits in U.S courts. Some of his targets are actual living people, like Martha Stewart, George W. Bush, and Steve Jobs. But he has also gone after defendants like Nostradamus, Che Guevara, the Eiffel Tower, the ex-planet Pluto, the Holy Grail, the Appalachian Trail, and the Garden of Eden. This would be a good time for you to draw inspiration from his example. I don’t mean that you should become a litigious fanatic, but rather that you should seek redress and vindication from those people, places, and things that have not had your highest interests in mind. This could take the form of a humorous message, a compassionate prank, or an odd gift. Remember, too, that old saying: Success is the best revenge.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
This would be an excellent time for you to learn how to brew your own beer (tinyurl.com/zteca) or build your own telescope (tinyurl.com/2yert5) or teach yourself how to operate a forklift (tinyurl.com/lgoyk5). Your ability to master practical new skills is at a peak, and your need to develop more self-reliance is more pressing than usual. Once you raise your confidence levels, you might even move on to more challenging tasks, like concocting your own home-made flu shot (tinyurl.com/kmchwx) or reconfiguring the way your brain works (tinyurl.com/lxhuap or tinyurl.com/ns5vhv).

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Novelist James Patterson has signed a deal with a publisher to churn out 17 new books between now and the end of 2012. (By comparison, it took me six years to write my first book, nine years to write my second, and five years for my third.) According to my reading of the astrological omens, you Geminis will have James Patterson-like levels of fecundity for at least the next four weeks. I suggest you employ that good mojo to create a masterpiece or two.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
As I gaze out the window of my home office, I see a vast wetland crossed by a creek that originates in the bay. At high tide, the creek is as wide as a river. At low tide, it’s as narrow as a village street. Sometimes it flows north vigorously, while at other times it surges south with equal force. Now and then it’s perfectly still. Its hues are a constantly mutating blend of grey, green, blue, and brown, and at sundown and sunrise they’re joined by tinges of pink, purple, and orange. As a Cancerian, I find this intimate spectacle to be both comforting and invigorating. It’s a reflection of my own ever-shifting moods, a reminder that I’m a watery creature whose fluidic changeability is natural and healthy. What I wish for you, my fellow Crab, is that in the coming week you will also surround yourself with prompts that help you to be at peace with who you really are.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
What exactly is a “wild goose chase,” anyway? Does it refer to a frenetic and futile hunt for an elusive prey that’s never caught? Or might it also mean the meandering pursuit of a tricky quarry that after many convoluted twists and turns results in success and generates a lot of educational fun along the way? Either definition could apply to your wild goose chase in the next three weeks, Leo. Which one will ultimately win out will probably depend on two things: 1. how well you detect the false leads you get; 2. how determined you are to be amused rather than frustrated by all the twists and turns.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Your time is up, Virgo. No further stalling will be allowed. We need your answer now: Will you or will you not take advantage of the messy but useful offer that is on the table? Don’t ask for an extension, because you ain’t getting one. Please take advantage of this chance to prove that you love yourself too much to get hoodwinked and abused by perfectionism. Be brave enough to declare your allegiance to the perspective articulated by the mathematician Henri Poincaré: “There are no solved problems. There are only more-or-less solved problems.”

Homework
Take a guess about what your closest ally most needs to learn in order to be happier. Testify by going to FreeWillAstrology.com and clicking on “Email Rob.”

Free Will Astrology

Photo by Adam Penney, from The Scope Flickr Pool

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
It’s Build Up Your Confidence by Any Means Possible Week—for Virgos only. During this holiday, you have an astrological mandate as well as a poetic license to pluck the easy victories. So go ahead and solve the kinds of riddles that are your specialty. Arrange to be in situations where your perspective is desperately needed. Put yourself in the presence of people who think you’re a gift to the human race, and subtly encourage your secret admirers to be less secretive. If you have any trophies or awards, make them more visible. There’s no shame in bragging this week, Virgo, but for best results do it with your best understated elegance. Happy birthday to Jeff Davis, Bryan Melanson, and Rhonda Barrett.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Ants may literally be crawling in your pants as you pull off a savvy coup or a brilliant stroke. An annoying pest may try to distract you at about the same time that movers and shakers are tuning in to your magnificence. But I don’t mean to imply that minor irritants will undermine your victories. I think you’re too unbeatable for that to happen. At worst, you’ll have a mild headache as you receive your reward or stumble slightly as you stride into the spotlight.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
What life will you be living at noon on September 1, 2014? Who will you be? How thoroughly will your dreams have come true? What kind of beauty and truth and love and justice will you be serving? Will you look back at the time between August 27 and September 21, 2009 and sigh, “If only I had initiated my Five Year Master Plan at that ripe astrological moment”? Or on September 1, 2014 will you instead be able to crow, “I can truly say that in these past five years I have become the president of my own life”?

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
“That which can be destroyed by the truth should be,” wrote author P. C. Hodgell. I wish there were a gentler way to articulate that wisdom, but I can’t think of one. Instead I’ll suggest a way to apply it so as to make the end result more graceful than shocking: Don’t pour out the whole truth all at once in one big dramatic gesture. Do it gradually and tenderly. As you do, keep in mind that when the truth has finally dismantled the thing that could not endure the truth, you may be able to use the debris as raw material to build something new that the truth will feel right at home in.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
What if a billion Chinese people jumped up into the air at the same exact moment? Would they create, at the moment they landed, a shockwave that would cause an earthquake on the opposite side of the world, in Chile and Argentina? No one knows. I’d like to propose a not unsimilar but more interesting experiment. What if every Capricorn who reads this horoscope reserves one minute at exactly 1 pm EDT on September 12, and during that time you all meditate intently on a single glowing thought, which is this: All of you Capricorns deserve an act of uncanny grace that will help free you from one of your most oppressive beliefs.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Some rare people, through heroic acts of will and the help of a really good imagination, manage to free themselves pretty thoroughly from the inertia of their past. This accomplishment is more possible for you right now than it has been in a long time. In fact, you could even overcome a negative legacy that made some of your ancestors crazy and sick. For maybe just the third time ever, you’re in a position to escape the sins of the fathers and the flaws of the mothers!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
If you build it, they will probably come. If you just pretend to build it, they may come anyway, and end up sticking around because of your charming attunement to life’s deeper rhythms. If, as you build it or pretend to build it, you act manic or send out mixed messages, they may be intrigued and attracted, but they definitely won’t come. So my advice, Pisces, is to suppress your mood swings as you at least start pretending to build the thing in earnest.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
I don’t think I’m being unduly optimistic when I speculate that you’re on the verge of achieving a ringing victory over your bad self. What makes me so confident that this development is in the works? Well, in recent weeks you have been dealing more forthrightly and intelligently with the lowest aspects of your character. You have also become more fully aware of the difference between your out-and-out unregenerate qualities and the unripe aspects of your character that may someday become very beautiful. There’s a second sign that you’re close to transforming one of the most negative things about you: You have almost figured out the truth about a murky curse that you internalized some time ago. When you finally identify it, you will know intuitively how to banish it forever.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
I expect that you’ll be a force of nature in the coming days, the human equivalent of a divine intervention. In fact, you might want to give fair warning to friends and loved ones who assume that you have always been and will always be steady, placid, and mild. Otherwise they may be unduly freaked out when your intelligence explodes like a double rainbow or when you start emoting like a waterfall. They might accuse you of “not being yourself” when your laughter turns volcanic or your decisions hit with the force of the aurora borealis. It’ll be interesting for you to notice which of your close cohorts responds most favorably to this outbreak of your elemental gifts.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
“Here’s what I did not do this summer,” begins the testimony of one of my Gemini readers, Beth Hylton. “Not once did I swing on a tire swing over the river, watching the pink shimmery reflection of myself in a wet suit on a tire swing. I did not take a day off work to sneak out alone to Jones Beach with a book and a beer in a ginger ale bottle. I did not eat outside at a red-checkered-tablecloth-and-too-much-cheese-on-the-pasta Italian restaurant, sucking back carafes of Gallo like Kool-Aid. I did not catch fireflies for the satisfaction of setting them free, and I did not nap in the noontime sun. Where are all the ‘I dids’?” I’m happy to inform Beth, as well as any of her fellow Geminis who might have been remiss in doing the kinds of activities she named, that the next three weeks will be a very favorable period to make up for lost time.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Murmurs and whispers will have more clout than clamors and shouts. A candle in the dark will provide more illumination than a bonfire at high noon. Short jaunts could transform everything permanently; long trips might only shift things slightly and temporarily. Forceful confrontations may lead to a muddle; feints and tricks and bluffs could spark crafty solutions. The “simple facts” will probably be tainted by lies of omission; the messy contradictions are likely to be eminently trustworthy.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
KFC is test-marketing a flamboyant new menu item at selected restaurants in the U.S. This remarkable delicacy is an exotic sandwich that consists of bacon, two servings of cheese, and special sauce, all held together not by bread but by two slabs of fried chicken. I nominate this spectacular creation to be your earthy metaphor of the week. In accordance with the astrological omens, I hope it inspires you to head out to the frontiers of extravagance in both your spiritual affairs and your romantic life. The coming days will be an ideal time to pray to both Christ and the Goddess while making love, for example, or to get sandwiched between two delicious devotees while meditating naked, or to perform a boisterous ritual to invoke emotional riches with the help of a genius of love.

Homework: What’s your most beautiful or powerful hidden quality? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Free Will Astrology

Photo by Peter Haynes.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
I was listening to a sports talk show on the radio. The host had recently discovered Twitter, and was pleased with how many fans he had already accumulated. But he was not at all happy with the words “Twitter” or “tweet.” Too effeminate, he said. Not macho enough for a he-man like himself to use comfortably. In fact, he promised that he would never again refer to his Twitter messages as “tweets,” but would hereafter call them “spurts.” Instead of “Twitter,” he would say “Twister.” I encourage you to draw inspiration from his example, Virgo. You’re in an astrological phase when you can and should reconfigure anything that doesn’t suit your needs or accommodate your spirit, whether it’s the language you use, the environments you hang out in, or the processes you’re working on. Happy birthday to Wesley Hodgson, Gillian Strong, and Jordan Young.

—

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Years ago, a TV sitcom called The Andy Griffith Show ran for seven seasons on CBS. Its star, Any Griffith, played a mild-mannered sheriff in a small town in North Carolina. His sidekick was Barney Fife, a bumbling deputy with a sweet disposition. Shortly after he left the show, Griffith had a dream in which he thrashed and pummeled his co-star. When he asked his psychiatrist about the meaning of this dream violence, the shrink speculated that he was trying to kill off his old image. I recommend that exact strategy to you now, Libra. Don’t actually wreak any real-life mayhem. Rather, see if you can have a dream or two in which you destroy a symbol of the life you’re ready to leave behind.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
What life will you be living at noon on September 1, 2014? Who will you be? How thoroughly will your dreams have come true? What kind of beauty and truth and love and justice will you be serving? Will you look back at the time between August 27 and September 21, 2009 and sigh, “If only I had initiated my Five Year Master Plan at that ripe astrological moment”? Or on September 1, 2014 will you instead be able to crow, “I can truly say that in these past five years I have become the president of my own life”?

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
If at some future time you sell your life story to a filmmaker who makes it into a feature film, it may have a lot to do with adventures that kick into high gear in the coming weeks. The fun will start (I hope) when you decide not to merely lie back and be victimized by your signature pain any longer. This brave act will recalibrate the cosmic scales and shift the currents of destiny that flow through you. Soon you will be making progress in untangling a mystery that has eluded your insight for a long time. You will be able to uncover the guarded secrets of a source that has for some time been tweaking your personal power without your full awareness.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
In his book From Heaven to Earth: Spiritual Living in a Market-Oriented World, Aaron Zerah riffs on the Hebrew word “nabal.” It describes someone who’s so staunchly concentrated on practical concerns that he becomes impractical. Please don’t let this be your fate anytime soon, Capricorn. For the ultimate benefit of the bottom line, disregard the bottom line for a while. Fantasize like a teenage poet. Be as whimsical as a mystic clown. Be a sweet, fun-loving fool so you won’t turn into a sour, workaholic fool.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
A woman living in China’s Jilin province got married in a wedding gown with a train that was 1.4 miles long. Lin Rong’s dress was decorated with 9,999 red silk roses and took three months to sew. In the spirit of her record-breaking ritual, Aquarius I encourage you to be extravagant and imaginative as you celebrate a great union in the coming weeks. You have an astrological mandate to think big as you carry out a rite of passage that will lead to an upgrade in the role that collaboration and symbiosis play in your life.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a meadow as rain falls. Inhale the aroma of the earth as the ground is soaked. Dwell in the midst of that scent for a while, allowing it to permeate your organs and nerves. Feel its life-giving energy circulating through you. Give yourself to the memories it evokes. In my astrological opinion, experiences like this are what you need most in the coming week. Can you think of some others that would speak directly to your animal intelligence? It’s a perfect time to please and excite the part of you that is a soft, warm creature.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
What I wish for you this week is that you won’t be satisfied with mediocre truths; that you’ll be a fussy perfectionist focused on cutting out waste, fraud, and delusion; that you’ll be itchy to know more about the unacknowledged games that are being played. Frustration, I hope, will be your holy fuel. Unsweetened lemonade, I trust, will be your rejuvenating drink. These are blessings, Aries, not curses! I pray that you’ll pick one of your scabs until it bleeds so the healing process can start over—the right way this time.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
What have you always wanted to yell from the pinnacle of the hill in the distance? This is the week to go there and yell it. What is that safe way of getting high that you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time for before? This is the week to try it. What is the alluring phenomenon that is always going on just outside the reach of your ordinary awareness—the seductive pull you have always somehow resisted? This is the time to dive in and explore it. (Thanks to John Averill for his inspiration in composing this horoscope. His tweets are at www.twitter.com/wiremesa.)

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden because of an incident involving an apple, right? Wrong. Many biblical scholars suspect the fruit in question was either a fig, grape, or pomegranate. I mention this, Gemini, because I think you’d be wise to review your own personal myth of exile. It’s time to question the story you have been telling yourself about how your paradise got lost. Evidence you discover in the coming days just might suggest that everything you’ve believed is at least half-wrong—that your origins are different from what you imagine. And as for the forbidden fruit that supposedly led you astray: You may realize that it was actually a precious medicine.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
The coming week will be prime time to perform minor miracles without trying too hard. You’ll probably have maximum success if you refrain from hoping and worrying about achieving maximum success. The cosmic currents will be likely to bend and shape themselves to accommodate your deeper needs if you proceed on the assumption that they know, better than your little ego does, what’s best for you. To get yourself in the proper frame of mind to do challenging tasks without expending strenuous effort, you might want to check out this photo spread of people practicing drunk yoga: www.tinyurl.com/n5z533.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Are you familiar with the phenomenon known as a fire whirl? It happens on rare occasions when a fire produces a tornado-like vortex that rises up vertically, spinning madly. It’s beautiful to behold but is not something you ever want to be close to. I bring this to your attention in the hope that you will not let yourself turn into the human equivalent of a fire whirl in the coming week. You’re not yet close to being one, but there are signs you’re headed that way. With just a modicum of adjustment, you can ensure that you’ll be more like a blaze in a fireplace or a wild but controlled bonfire on a beach—not a fire whirl.

—

Homework: Make up a story about an adventure you might go on someday. Imagine all the details. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com

Free Will Astrology

Photo by Kerriberry.

Rob Brezsny provides you the mojo.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The monsoon rains have not blessed eastern India with their usual downpours this year. In response, frustrated farmers have resorted to a radical ritual: asking their unmarried daughters to get naked and plow the fields. They believe that this will embarrass the weather gods into acting correctly. In general, I approve of being creative in making appeals to deities, but I recommend that you use a different approach. Rather than shaming them into providing you with more love and mojo, try flattering them. As if you were celebrating Halloween early, go around impersonating a god or goddess who is overflowing with love and mojo. Happy birthday to Dave Sullivan, Tony Murray, Jon Hynes, and Maureen Power.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
As the season of riddles and paradoxes kicks into high gear, I present you with a two-part quiz. Question 1: Since it has taken you your whole life to become the person you are today, is it reasonable to expect that you can transform yourself in a flash? Question 2: On the other hand, since you are more creative than you give yourself credit for, and are also in an astrological phase when your ability to change is greater than usual, is it reasonable to assume that you must remain utterly stuck in your old ways of doing things?

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Two annoyances that had been bugging you before your exile have been neutralized. But you’ve still got at least one more to go, so don’t relax yet. In fact, I think you should redouble your vigilance. Check expiration dates on your poetic licenses and pet theories. Scrub the muck from your aura, even if your friends seem to find it “interesting.” And learn to read your own mind better so you can track down any disabling thoughts that might still be lurking in remote corners.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
What tricks have you employed to outwit your fears in the past? Remember them. Review them. Next, think about the people who have inspired you to be more courageous than you imagined were capable of. If you take these two actions, you will prepare yourself well for the week ahead. I’m not saying that the things you’re scared of will be any bigger or badder than usual. But I want you to know that you now have the potential to gain a robust new power over them.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
You are currently getting more miles per gallon and more bang for the buck than you have in a long time. Your IQ is creeping higher. Your knack for scoring good parking places is at a peak. I’ll even go so far as to say that it’s been quite a while since you’ve been teased by such thoroughly useful temptations. And get this, Sagittarius: I suspect that you have an enhanced instinct for taking smart risks. The only downside of all this good news is that you may not know your own strength. That means you should test it fast; find out more about its potential. Otherwise, you might break someone’s heart by accident, or prematurely shatter the illusions of a person who’s not yet ready to stop living in fantasyland.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
I wouldn’t be surprised if your whole life passed instantly before your eyes one day soon. Not because you’ll come close to literal physical death or anything dangerous at all, but rather because you will have a brush with a magic power that could be yours in the future — a magic power that will be possible for you to fully own only if you cut the umbilicus that links you to a dying source. Wow. Did I really say that in a fun little astrology column? And are you really prepared to change your life because of something you read in a fun little astrology column? I hope so. In the coming weeks, it’ll be the fun little things that have the greatest potential to align you more closely with your soul’s code.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
In the days ahead, you may not realize what you’re looking for until you find it. I advise you, therefore, to put into action the following five-point plan. 1) Suppress any know-it-all tendencies you might have. 2) Revive your childhood talent for being voraciously curious about everything. 3) Ask more questions than you’ve ever asked before. 4) Figure out how to be receptive without being passive, and how you can be humble without muffling your self-confidence. 5) Consider the possibility that you have a lot to learn about what’s best for you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
I’ve borrowed a fable from the ancient Greek writer Aesop to create a parable you can use in the coming weeks. Once upon a time there was a very thirsty crow. Rain hadn’t fallen in a long time, and the creek from which she’d always drunk had dried up. Searching and searching for a bit of moisture, the crow finally happened upon a tree under which sat a ceramic pitcher with some water in it. But the pitcher’s neck was narrow, and the crow couldn’t fit her beak past it to reach the water. Inspired by desperation, the crow at last got an idea. Why not drop small rocks into the pitcher, making the water’s level rise? And that’s exactly what she did. How sweet it was when at last she quenched her thirst.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
I started producing some good work within ten years of launching my writing career, but I didn’t hit my stride until the 18th year. From what I hear, many other skills require a long training period as well. According to an Aikido adept I know, for example, a practitioner may require 30 years to master the moves and spirit of that martial art. And as for the ability to carry on a successful intimate relationship: It usually takes a lifetime. I hope this line of thinking helps you get a more practical perspective on the specific prowess you’re trying to develop, Aries. Keep in mind that it probably wouldn’t be worth learning if you could become a wizard in a flash. There’s no rush. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come already.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Talk to yourself more and better. Not just with streams of chatter that meander aimlessly. Not with darts of self-deprecation mixed in with grandiose fantasies. No, Taurus. When I urge you to talk to yourself more and better, I mean that you should address your self with focused tenderness. I mean that you should be driven by the bold intention to lift up your mood, praise your skills, shower blessings on your vulnerabilities, and love yourself down to the core. You will attract cosmic assistance if you do this playful work. You will bathe your subconscious intelligence with healing luminosity.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
I climbed the endless steps to the sanctuary, brushing off large spiders that kept landing on me. I stood in the rain for hours waiting for the gates to open. The guardian of the threshold wouldn’t let me in until I answered his tricky and sometimes insulting questions. Through it all, I maintained my patience and poise and reverence. At no time did I give in to the temptation to curse the difficulties. And when I finally entered, when I got my chance to penetrate to the heart of the rose petal-strewn labyrinth, my persistence was rewarded. As I knelt there in amused awe, face to face with the sacred jokester, I got a useful answer to the most important question in my life. Would you like a comparable experience, Gemini? It’s possible in the coming week.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Visionary philosopher Buckminster Fuller said that “Pollution is nothing but resources we’re not harvesting.” If that’s true, Cancerian, you’ve got a lot of resources available to you right now, although they will have to be converted from their smoggy and effluvial state. So for example, if you’re a songwriter, the noxious emotions floating around could be raw material for a sparkling tune. If you’re a lover, the peculiar vibes you’re dealing with could inspire you to prevent a dumb pattern from repeating itself.

Homework: Do what you must do in order to break a bad habit that’s sapping your vitality. Report results to uaregod@comcast.net.

Free Will Astrology

Photo by David Neubert

Rob Brezsny crosses your stars and dots your third eyes.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Would you like to spend the next 30 years working your assets off to make your bosses rich? If not, I suggest you start formulating Plan B immediately. The astrological time is not exactly ripe to extricate yourself from the wicked game, but it’s ripe to begin scheming and dreaming about how to extricate yourself. Here’s a tip to get you in the mood. Assume that there’s some validity in the meme that mythologist Joseph Campbell articulated: “Follow your bliss and the money will come.” Then ask yourself, “Do I even know what my bliss is? Not my mild joy or diversionary fun but my unadulterated bliss?” Once you know that, you can follow it. And then, inevitably — although it may take a while — the money will follow. Happy birthday to Tim Hiscock, Jordan Canning, and Carolyn Stokes.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
As the season of riddles and paradoxes kicks into high gear, I present you with a two-part quiz. Question 1: Since it has taken you your whole life to become the person you are today, is it reasonable to expect that you can transform yourself in a flash? Question 2: On the other hand, since you are more creative than you give yourself credit for, and are also in an astrological phase when your ability to change is greater than usual, is it reasonable to assume that you must remain utterly stuck in your old ways of doing things?

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
So much to say and do. So little time. Is it OK if I pepper you with pithy hints? It’s the only way to fit everything in. Here goes. There’s strength in numbers, Libra. So travel in packs. Round up support and whip up group fervor. Always say “we,” not “I.” Add at least one new friend and bolster at least one old friendship. Think before you act, but always act instead of watching from afar. Avoid doing stupid things in smart ways. To court good luck, do charity work. To ensure that extra favors will come your way later this year, do extra favors now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
The Biblical book of Isaiah prophesies a future time of undreamed-of harmony and cooperation. “The wolf will romp with the lamb,” reads one translation. “Cow and bear will graze in the same pasture, their calves and cubs will grow up together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox.” I have it on good astrological authority that you’re now eligible for a preview of this paradisiacal state. To receive your free introductory offer, you need only meet one condition. You must vow not to harm any living thing — not even a cockroach. Not even the person you love best.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
You Sagittarians are famous for filling your cups too full. Sometimes this is cute. Sometimes it’s a problem for those who don’t like Cabernet Sauvignon sloshed on their handwoven Persian rugs. This week, however, I predict there will be little or no hell to pay for overflowing. So go ahead and transcend your containers, you beautiful exaggerators. Feel free to express yourself like a fire hose. Now enjoy a few gems from your fellow Sagittarius, the extravagant poet and painter William Blake. 1. “The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” 2. “Exuberance is beauty.” 3. “The lust of the goat is the bounty of God.” 4. “You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough.”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Constant vigilance, my friend. That’s what I advise. Be attentive to details you sometimes gloss over. Wake up a little earlier and prepare for each encounter with greater forethought. Stare a little harder into the hearts of all those whose hidden motivations might detour your destiny. Monitor every communication for hints that all is not as it seems. Most importantly, guard against the possibility that you may be overlooking a gift or blessing that’s being offered to you in an indirect way.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
“Keep exploring what it takes to be the opposite of who you are,” suggests psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of the book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. This advice is one of his ideas about how to get into attunement with the Tao, also known as being in the zone or getting in the groove or being aligned with the great cosmic flow. How would you go about being the opposite of who you are, Aquarius? According to my reading of the omens, that will be an excellent question for you to muse about in the coming weeks. As you stretch yourself to embody the secret and previously unknown parts of you, I think you’ll be pleased with how much more thoroughly that allows you to be in sync with the rhythms of life.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Internet addiction has risen to epidemic proportions in China. In early 2009, psychologists in Shandong province began offering an alleged cure that involved the use of electro-shock therapy. Parents of 3,000 young people paid Dr. Yang Yongxin and his team over $800 a month to hook their anesthetized teens up to machines that sent electricity through their brains to induce artificial seizures. After four months, the Chinese government intervened and halted the treatment, noting that there was no evidence it worked. This practice might sound comically barbaric to you, but I think it has a certain resemblance to the way you have been dealing with your own flaws and excesses: with inordinate force. In the coming weeks, I really think it’s important not to punish yourself for any reason, Pisces, even if it’s in a supposedly good cause. The lesson of the Chinese experiment is: not only is it overkill, it also doesn’t even have the desired effect.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Are you a gelatinous pool of longing yet? Are you a perfumed garden of madly blooming purple explosions? Are you throbbing and gooey and half-nauseous with that delicious sickness some people called love? If not, I don’t know what to tell you. By all astrological reckoning your gut should be swarming with drunk butterflies and the clouds should be taking on the shapes of mating horses. If you’re not half-drowning in these symptoms, I implore you to find a way to pry open the floodgates.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’re primed to cancel a jinx in the coming days, Taurus. You could help someone (maybe even yourself) escape a bewitchment, and you might be able to soothe a wound that has been festering for a long time. In fact, I’m playing with the fantasy that you are now the living embodiment of a lucky charm. At no other time in recent memory have you had so much power to reverse the effects of perverse karma, bad habits, and just plain negative vibes. Your hands and eyes are charged with good medicine. Other parts of you are, too, which means sexual healing could be in the works. But as you embark on your mission to cure everyone you love, remember the first law of the soul doctor: “Physician, heal thyself.”

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The Norwegians used to have a concept called svoermere, which meant something sweetly futile or deliciously unprofitable. While I can see the appeal that your particular version of svoermere has had for you, Gemini, I think it’s time to think about moving on. According to my reading of the omens, you have both a right and a duty to seek out more constructive pleasures that not only make you feel really good but also serve your long-term goals.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
It’s Freedom from Want Week! For Cancerians only! During this uncanny grace period, you might actually feel perfectly contented. It’s quite possible that you’ll be free from the obsession to acquire more security, more love, more proof of your greatness, more chotchkes, more everything. You may even make the shocking discovery that you don’t need nearly as much as you thought you did in order to be happy; that maybe you have a lot to learn about getting more out of what you already have.

Homework
Is there something about you that’s too tame? If so, do you think it’s time to untame yourself? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Free Will Astrology

Photo by Nico van Diem

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
I invite you to write down brief descriptions of the five most pleasurable moments you’ve ever experienced in your life. Let your imagination dwell lovingly on these memories for, say, 20 minutes. And keep them close to the surface of your awareness in the week ahead. If you ever catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, interrupt it immediately and compel yourself to fantasize about those Big Five Ecstatic Moments. This exercise will be an excellent way to prime yourself for a New Age of Unhurried Bliss and Gentle Beauty, which I predict is just ahead for you. If you can keep the morose part of your mind quiet, there’s a good chance you will stir up a new ecstatic experience that will belong near the top of your all-time list. Happy birthday to Ryan Davis, Dan Galway, and Mark White.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Welcome to your aromatherapy workshop, Leo. We’ll be using imaginary scents because, frankly, sometimes fantasy yields better results than the real thing. (Especially for you right now; keep that in mind as you deal with other situations in your life.) For your first exercise, imagine the aromas of eucalyptus and vinegar. That’ll clear your head of static, creating a nice big empty space for your fresh assignment to come pouring in from the future. Next, imagine the fragrance of hot buttered popcorn. It will make you more receptive to the outside help that has been trying and trying and trying to attract your attention. Have you ever taken a new computer out of the box? Remember that smell? Simulate it now. In your subconscious mind, it will awaken the expectation that the next chapter of your life story is about to begin.. Happy birthday to Neil Conway, Jordan Canning, and Carolyn Stokes.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
O ye of little faith: Do ye not understand that the events of mid-July through mid-August of 2009 are but the fruition of seeds ye planted in September, October, and November of last year? Do not thank or blame the gods, but only thyself, for the destiny that is upon ye. Now please prepare to assume thy new goodies and perks, O favored one, as well as thy new temptations and headaches, with full knowledge that ye are receiving the exact rewards and responsibilities ye earned many months ago.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Sometimes this job of mine grinds me down with a heavy sense of responsibility. Am I doing the right thing by divulging so many cosmic secrets? Do people use my advice in good ways? This week I’m especially tormented. Would it be ethical of me to reveal that you could dig a hot tip out of a wastebasket, or that you could prosper because of someone else’s foolishness? Or how about if I disclosed that you’ve temporarily acquired a dicey edge over a competitor who’s previously kicked your butt? And would it be mean of me to suggest that you shouldn’t share a vast idea with a half-vast person? I guess I’ll just have to trust that you’ll show maximum integrity in using all of this inside dope.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
There goes your exaggerated respect for warped chunks of complications. Here comes an opportunity to make a break for bubbly freedom. To take advantage, Scorpio, you’ll need to travel much lighter. So please peel off your armor. Wipe that forty-pound sneer of doubt off your face. Bury your broken-down theories by the side of the path, and donate all your unnecessary props to the birds and the bees. Strip down, in other words, to the bare minimum. Where you’re going all you’ll need are your good looks and a big fresh attitude.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
Don’t leave me hanging, Sagittarius. What happens next? How could you even imagine you’ve wrapped the whole thing up? According to my analysis, you’ve got at least one more riddle to solve, one more gift to negotiate, one more scar to wish upon. (Yes, that says “scar,” not “star.”) To stop pushing for more adventure at this pregnant moment would be a crime against nature and a whole chapter short of a bestseller. Get out there and bring this story home.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
It makes me famished just to think of you there stewing in your hunger. You almost remind me of a bear that’s just awoken from hibernation or a political prisoner who’s been on a hunger strike. And yet I know it’s not a craving for food that you’re suffering from. It’s not even an impossible yearning for sex or fame or power or money, either. You’re starving, you’re ravenous, you’re mad for something you don’t have a name for — something whose existence you don’t fully understand and can’t quite imagine. But I predict you’ll uncover a fuller truth about this thing very soon, and then you’ll be more than halfway toward gratifying your hunger.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
If I were your daddy, I’d take you mountain-climbing or buy you a three-week intensive class in the foreign tongue of your choice. If I were your president, I’d give you a Purple Heart for your undercover heroism and make you ambassador to Italy. If I were your therapist, I’d send you on a pilgrimage to a sanctuary where everyone means exactly what they say. But I’m merely your five-minutes-a-week consultant, so all I can really do is say, “Escape the cramped quarters of your own mind. Slip away from the corners you’ve been backed into. Stop telling the convoluted stories you’ve concocted to rationalize why you should be afraid. Get out of the loop and escape into the big, fresh places that will rejuvenate your eyes and heart.”

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Long-standing myths are on the verge of mutating. Stories that have remained fixed for years are about to acquire unexpected wrinkles. The effects may be pretty spectacular. I suspect it’ll be the equivalent of Sleeping Beauty waking up from her long sleep without the help of the prince’s kiss, or like Little Red Riding Hood devouring the wolf instead of vice versa. There’s something you can do, Pisces, to ensure that the new versions of the old tales are more empowering than the originals: For the foreseeable future, take on the demeanor and spirit of a noble warrior with high integrity and a fluid sense of humor.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
I fear you’re on the verge of slipping into a state of mind that wants everything and is therefore in danger of getting nothing. I worry that you’ll be lusting for such total control over so much wild sweetness that you won’t actually formulate a foolproof plan to commune with even a pinch of that sweetness. Let’s see if we can motivate you to overthrow this state of mind. Let’s try to coax you into devising a precise strategy to assemble paradise piece by piece.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Cuckoo birds build no nests of their own. Instead, they rely on trickery to raise their young. The female cuckoo lays her eggs in the nest of a host whose eggs are similar in size and color. The host, often a sparrow, cares for the cuckoo’s eggs as her own, and usually rears the hatchlings until they reach maturity. Does this behavior ring a bell? I suspect that something analogous is unfolding in your world. I’m alerting you to the situation so that you will be fully informed as you decide how to proceed. (P.S. I’m not saying this is a bad thing; just want you to acknowledge the truth.)

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
I hate to admit it, but love is not always enough to solve every problem. On some occasions you need love, clever insights, strategic maneuvers, and fierce determination. In my astrological opinion, this is one of those times. Take a moment right now to shush the grumbling dialogue you keep having with yourself about what’s fair and what you deserve. Save all that mental energy for the work of fighting like hell for the fair share you deserve. Oh, and while you’re fighting like hell, don’t forget to be as strategic as Gandhi, as loving as Einstein, and as fiercely determined as Jack Black, Ben Stiller, and Sarah Silverman combined.

Homework: Make a guess about the most important bit of self-knowledge you’re still ignorant about. Testify at www.FreeWillAstrology.com

Free Will Astrology

Extra credit: Errand Boy video directed by Brian Williams (www.myspace.com/seattlestudy)

Go play a while, says Rob Brezsny.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The books of psychologist Carl Jung provide crucial insights into the nature of the unconscious mind. To the degree that I have any skill in deciphering the part of human intelligence that works in mysterious, secretive ways, I owe a great debt to him. I want to tell you an anecdote about him that may be useful. Once, as an adult, Jung took a break from work to go strolling on a beach. While meandering, he was overcome with a spontaneous impulse to build things as he did when he was a kid. He gathered some stones and sticks and used them to construct a miniature scene, including a church. As he finished, he was visited by a flood of novel intuitions about his life. He concluded that his childlike play had called forth these revelations from his unconscious mind. I suggest you try a similar tack, Gemini: To access important information that your deep mind has been sequestering, go play a while. Happy birthday to Linda Browne and Pat Fifield.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
We ask that you not divulge the climax of the epic story to anyone — at least until you’ve let it sink in for a while and felt all the reverberations it has unleashed. After that, you’ll be wise to speak about it only with skilled listeners and empathetic allies who can help you harvest the meaning of all the clues that were packed inside your adventures. One further counsel: Before you reach the absolute, final denouement of the drama, there may be a tricky turn that looks a lot like the ending. Happy birthday to Jamie March, Jennifer Churchill Corcoran, and Gavin Will.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You have cosmic permission (even encouragement) to live on the edge for the next 28 days as long as you follow these guidelines: 1. Don’t live on the edge to impress anyone; do it because you love it, or else don’t do it. 2. Don’t complain and worry about it. Enjoy it completely. 3. Don’t expect anyone else to join you on the edge. If they choose to do so with enthusiasm, fine. But don’t manipulate them. 4. Don’t imitate the way other people live on the edge. Establish your own unique style. 5. Don’t live on the edge for more than 28 days. Much longer than that and you’ll start sabotaging the benefits.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
In 1968, psychedelic rock band Iron Butterfly released its landmark 17-minute song, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.” Cable TV network VH1 later named it as the 24th greatest hard rock tune in history. There are different stories about the origins of the title, but all agree on one point: It was originally “In the Garden of Eden.” It became “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vita” through some fluke, probably caused by the lead singer getting intoxicated and garbling the words as he performed it in the recording studio. This would be an excellent week for you to induce and capitalize on creative mistakes like that, Virgo. I hope you do, because it’ll help you get into the right frame of mind to stir up a mix of excellence and improvisation everywhere you go—and that formula practically guarantees success.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Do you apologize to chairs when you bump into them? Often end up being the only one at a party who’ll talk to the most boring person? Ever find yourself starting your sentences with “I hope I’m not bothering you but I was wondering if you would mind if I . . . “? If so, this is a good time to make a shift. That’s why I suggest you add some bite to your demeanor. Do what feels interesting at least as often as what’s polite. Look for what advances the plot as much as what fosters harmony. The point is not to go overboard, of course. You don’t want to fling insults or arouse friction. Add fire to your presentation, but don’t start conflagrations.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Evaluating Adam Lambert after one of his exotic, virtuoso performances back in April, American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi praised him as being “confusing, shocking, sleazy, and superb.” That’s a standard you could soon achieve in your own sphere, Scorpio. But do you want to? You’ll have to care less about maintaining your dignity than usual, and be especially forthright in expressing yourself. Let me leave no doubt about what I’m saying: To be as superb as you potentially can be, you’ll have to be at least a little confusing and shocking and maybe even sleazy.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
Metaphorically speaking, Sagittarius, you have unearthed or are about to unearth a rare fossil. I think it’s a pretty sensational discovery. It’s a missing link that could help you make sense out of episodes in your past that have always mystified or frustrated you. I urge you to learn all you can about this fossil. Follow every lead it points to. And ask your intuition to run wild and free as it dreams up possible interpretations to its multiple meanings.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Maybe it’s time you did something in return for all the free advice I give you. From a karmic perspective it might not be healthy for you to continue to take, take, take while never giving back. So this week, for a change, how about if you compose an oracle for me? Or send me a nice present—nothing big or expensive, just a thoughtful token. Just kidding! The truth is, I don’t care if you ever express your appreciation. You give me a momentous gift simply by caring enough to read my words. Being able to speak with you so intimately has made me a better and smarter person. Now I suggest you do what I just did: Acknowledge how much the receivers of your gifts do for you.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things,” says actress and comedian Janeane Garofalo. “The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.” As witty as that thought may be, I don’t recommend you make it your approach in the coming days. My analysis of the omens suggests that reality will be especially malleable. Even more than usual, it will tend to take the shape of your expectations. So please, Aquarius, try hard to see the lovely, graceful, unbroken glass as half-full of a delicious, healthy drink.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
I feel an expansive, permissive mood coming on—in the cosmos, that is, not me. To be honest, I’m in a more conservative mood than the cosmos. But the planetary powers-that-be have decided to float you poetic licenses, blank checks, special dispensations, and wild cards. I just hope this free stuff won’t make you forget about the finely-crafted containers and boundaries you’ve been working on lately. Maybe I’d feel better if you promised me to keep on doing the careful, conscientious things that seem to have earned you all the good fortune that’s on its way.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Are you secretly afraid of feeling secure? Do you equate stability with being bored and lazy? Do you suspect that your restless pioneer spirit makes you unfit for the slow, meticulous work of building sturdy foundations? If so, there’s hope for you to change — especially if you make a big effort in the coming weeks. The moment is ripe for you to learn more about the arts of energizing comfort and stimulating calm and exciting peace. To jumpstart the process, go get a massage. As you’re being stroked by nurturing hands, brainstorm about the additions and adjustments you’d like to make in your five-year master plan.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Your education is about to take a curious and interesting turn. During the coming weeks, I expect that you’ll upgrade your street smarts and explore a whole new meaning for the term “hands-on experience.” You’ll find out about an area of ignorance that was so deep and dark you didn’t even know about it, and you’ll take aggressive steps to get it the teaching it needs. Congratulations in advance for being brave enough to open your mind so wide, Taurus. I’m glad you’ll be hunting for a fresh set of questions.

Free Will Astrology

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
Seventeen-year-old Jay Greenberg is a music prodigy who has written numerous sonatas and symphonies. His first CD, performed by the London Symphony Orchestra and Julliard String Quartet, came out in 2006. It’s not exactly a struggle for him to create his compositions. He often completes them in less than a day. “The music comes fully written,” he says, “playing like an orchestra in my head.” I believe you now have something in common with him, Gemini. According to my reading of the omens, there will soon be ripe visions of future accomplishments floating around in your imagination. You should write them down or describe them in detail to an ally or do whatever else it takes to launch the process of getting them born.

Happy birthday to Sherry Ryan, Julia Bloomquist, and Andreae Prozesky. Send birthday info to birthdays@thescope.ca

—

CANCER (June 21-July 22)
“You may want to smash a painful emotion to bits, but you can’t blow it up with a nuclear bomb,” wrote Tsoknyi Rinpoche in his book Fearless Simplicity. What makes the situation even more poignant is that the painful emotion may be based on a wrong interpretation of experience. It may also be caused by some faulty conditioning that got imprinted on your sensitive psyche when you were a toddler. Having said that, Cancerian, I’m pleased to inform you that you currently have the power to significantly dissipate the intensity of a certain painful emotion you thought you’d never shake. To initiate the process, invoke forgiveness in every way you can imagine — toward those who hurt you, those who ignored you, those who misled you, and you yourself.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
“I can’t exactly walk on the water,” says Russ Crim, “but it looks like I can because I know where the rocks are hiding just beneath the water.” This would be a good trick for you to emulate during the coming weeks, Leo. By doing your homework and some advance scouting, you could put yourself in a position to accomplish a splashy bit of hocus-pocus that will ultimately be legendary. To help ensure that you don’t generate a karmic backlash as you glorify your ego, I suggest you find a way to make your magic serve some worthy cause. For instance, maybe you could walk on water in order to raise money for charity.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
When I was 19 years old, a so-called psychic predicted I would die when I was 24. As much as I scoffed at his careless quackery, his words subliminally worried me for years. On the day I turned 25 I celebrated extra hard. Partly because of that experience, I’ve always tried to be impeccably conscientious about how I conduct myself as a fortune-teller. I’ve vowed never to manipulate you with melodramatic prophecies that could distort your free will. So it’s with a cautious sense of responsibility that I offer the following augury: The weeks ahead could be one of the most illuminating and successful times of the last five years.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I suspect that this is a turning point in your relationship with your fantasies. It’s not enough merely to keep musing about them with wistful longing. You can’t afford to continue postponing their activation until some mythical future. If you want to keep them from receding into a hazy limbo, you will need to give at least one of them a big push toward becoming a more concrete part of your life. The universe will provide ample assistance if you do give that push.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Attention all aspiring lottery winners! If you will ever in your life win more than $10 in the lottery or similar game of chance, this would probably be the time. I’m not saying you definitely will. I’m simply suggesting that your odds are better than usual — certainly better than the chances that you’ll be invited by Brad Pitt to co-star with him in a feature film about alien pirates set in 22nd-century Madagascar. On the other hand, the possibility of a dumb-luck windfall is still rather remote compared to the likelihood of other kinds of financial progress. For instance, there’s an excellent chance that you’ll stimulate the flow of good fiscal karma if you spend quality time taking inventory of your approach to money and developing a long-term master plan to promote your prosperity.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Would you say you’re closer to the “happy wanderer” model of Sagittarian, or the “eternal fugitive” type? Does your motive power usually come from the desire to head in the general direction of some attractive destination, or else to flee from every situation you’re nervous about getting hemmed in by? Are you more inclined to shoot at multiple targets, hoping that one of them may turn out to be the correct one for you to aim at? Or do you prefer to identify the best target right from the start, and only then begin shooting? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to meditate on these core Sagittarian issues.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
In astrology, the word “quincunx” refers to a relationship characterized by creative tension. Two planets that are in quincunx are like two people who have a certain odd affinity for each other but don’t speak the same language. Imagine an Italian woman and an American man meeting at a party and experiencing an immediate chemistry, even though each can barely understand what the other is saying. I bring this up, Capricorn, because these days you’re in a quincunx dynamic with pretty much the whole world. To keep frustration to a minimum and enhance the excitement quotient, you should try to crack some of the foreign codes you’re surrounded by.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Philosopher Buckminster Fuller said that although we are all born geniuses, the process of living tends to de-genius us. That’s the bad news. The good news is that 2009 is one of the best years ever for you to re-genius yourself, and the month of June is among the best times in 2009. So how should you go about the glorious task of tapping in to the totality of your original brilliance? Here’s one tip. Do what Einstein said: “All I want to do is learn the way God thinks. All the rest is details.”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Dear Rob: I’ve recently developed a propensity to talk to myself. This is pretty weird. All these years, I’ve barely uttered a few words to myself on special occasions. Now I’m having long, convoluted gab fests, as if the little voices in my head had busted out of their holding cells, run amuck, and decided to NEVER SHUT UP! Am I crazy? – Out Loud Pisces.” Dear Out Loud: It’s a good sign that you’re getting all the murmuring background noise out in the open. Not just for you but for many Pisceans, thoughts and feelings that had been hidden or secret are becoming available to your conscious mind. Once you clear out the backlog, the really useful revelations will begin.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)
I’m betting that in a couple of months the fates will give you license to play with boisterous gambles and exhilarating risks. But at this particular moment I recommend that you confine yourself to tame gambles and sensible risks. I realize that may be a bit deflating to your rambunctious all-or-nothing spirit, but I think it’ll pay off in the long run. From what I can tell, this is an excellent time to lay the groundwork for the bigger fun ahead.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
The oracle you’re now reading normally has a retail value of $49.95. But because of your ongoing efforts to defeat your defeatist tendencies, and because of your dogged attempts to sabotage your sabotage mechanisms, and because of your heroic stabs at defending yourself against your defense mechanisms, you have earned the right to receive this advice absolutely gratis! To generate even more free stuff in the coming week, Taurus, all you have to do is learn how to turn around so fast that you can catch a glimpse of the back of your own head, and how to pat yourself on the back with both hands while kicking your own butt.

Homework: What’s your favorite method for overcoming the inertia of the past? FreeWillAstrology.com.

Free Will Astrology

Don’t cut the umbilical cord right away Gemini, says Rob Brezsny. Illustration by Matt Grant.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A couple I know planned to have their second baby delivered at home with a midwife’s help. The father is a physician who assisted with childbirths during his residency, so he and his partner felt confident about conducting their rite of passage outside of the hospital. But once the mom’s water broke and labor began, everything happened faster than expected. The dad gave the midwife an urgent phone call, but the kid was already crowning. “Don’t cut the umbilical cord right away,” the midwife advised. “It will minimize the shock of transition if the baby can get the hang of breathing while still being nurtured as she has for the last nine months.” That’s exactly what they did. And I hope you will do the metaphorical equivalent, Gemini. Keep getting fed the old way for a while as you learn how to be fed in the new way.

Happy birthday to Curtis Rumbolt, Amy Joy, and John Fisher. Send birthday info to birthdays@thescope.ca

—

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I swerve to avoid running over spiders that cross my path when I’m riding my bicycle. While at home, I prefer to shepherd flies out through an open door or window rather than swat them. I’m still not sufficiently enlightened that I’ve stopped trying to squash mosquitoes that dive-bomb me while I’m falling asleep, however. I’m working on it, but may need a few more years of meditation before I bring my reverence for all insect life up to the highest level. The way I see it, my fellow Cancerian, you’d benefit from working on a similar project in the coming weeks: improving your relationships with influences you don’t have a natural affinity for.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world,” wrote anthropologist Margaret Meade. “Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” An excellent example of that occurred during America’s Revolutionary War against England from 1775 to 1783. Of all the men in the 13 colonies who could have fought for freedom, only 16 percent did. I hope that gives you encouragement as you seek to fix a glitch in the status quo. You and your band of allies have more power than you know.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Up to one-tenth of the population is left-handed. Yet for centuries, even as late as the 1950s, there were social stigmas against left-handers — similar in some ways to the perverse prejudice that has been directed toward homosexuals. So strong was the taboo that many parents tried to convert their naturally left-handed children into righties. Thankfully, this absurd form of repression is now defunct. (Five of the last seven American presidents have been left-handed.) But it’s a good reminder that there are countless other ways in which our culture still attempts to coax us or force us into not being who we really are. But here’s the good news: It’s an excellent time for you Virgos to reject the pressure to be someone else and get back to where you once belonged. Reunite with the person you were destined to be!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The Tower of Terror is a thrill ride at Disney World. Riders are yanked up and down as they travel along a 199-foot pillar. A Florida woman named Denise Mooty believes this form of amusement is essential to her health. She says the extreme G-forces she’s exposed to on the ride help dissipate the fibrous adhesions in her belly. I recommend a similar kind of therapy for you, Libra. Not to break up fibrous adhesions, since you probably don’t have any, but rather to jostle your mental blocks, repetitive fantasies, and obsessive habits. They might just break into pieces and dissipate if you shake them in the right way.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s your choice, Scorpio. You could be a creative dynamo who changes the course of local history — or you could be a plain old boring sex maniac. What’ll it be? We here at the Free Will Astrology Libido Management Center encourage you to at least partially sublimate your unruly mojo into beautiful works of art, innovative business solutions, and brilliant strokes of collaboration. You don’t have to stop boinking altogether; just make it the second most important thing you rather than your raison d’etre.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The planets are conspiring to unleash energies that will touch you in ways you didn’t realize you needed to be touched. Any minute now you may begin to feel a pleasurable burning sensation in your soft underbelly, or a prickly wake-up call in your willpower, or a ticklish electricity running through your funny bone. What does it all mean? Maybe nothing. Or maybe it means so much that you can’t possibly analyze its meaning. What a valuable gift that would be! When is the last time you felt free of the need to have to understand everything?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A long-time Capricorn reader named Allison wrote me an apologetic email. She said that she has always loved my horoscopes, and still loves them, but for the foreseeable future she’s got to stop reading them. “Please don’t take it as an insult, because it’s not,” she wrote. “I just need to be less subject to outside influences for a while. Maybe that will help me get better at paying attention to my own intuition.” I understood exactly what she means. According to my analysis, this is one time when you may have to shield yourself from the noise around you — even the good and interesting noise — in order to hear your own inner voice better.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Rolling Stone magazine has said that sixties folk singer Tom Rush (born February 8) was a major force in launching the era of the singer-songwriter. He’s been lying low for a while, though. Recently he came out with his first new studio album in 35 years. I’m guessing that, like him, quite a lot of other Aquarians will also be climaxing new creations as 2009 unfolds — perhaps even works that are long overdue or that have been extraordinarily slow in the making. And what happens in the next few weeks will be crucial in that process.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “All the problems we face in the United States today,” said comedian and presidential candidate Pat Paulsen, “can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.” With that as your inspiration, Pisces, I urge you to take inventory of your own “immigration policy.” It’s an excellent time to do so, astrologically speaking. Here are some questions to guide you. What influences do you allow to pour into your sphere? Are they beneficial for your long-term mental health? What people do you invite to share your resources? Do they bring out the best in you? Do you have smart boundaries that keep out the bad stuff and welcome in the good?

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The fleas infesting dogs’ skin have greater leaping power than the fleas on cats. Why do you think that is, Aries? Maybe you should use your waxing brainpower to get to the bottom of this great mystery. Just kidding! While it is true that in the coming weeks you will have unusual skill in deciphering enigmas and clarifying ambiguities, I think you should direct that skill to really important matters that will improve your life for months to come — not to trivial questions like fleas’ jumping abilities.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Studies show that when most people take a shower, they lather the upper part of their bodies first and make their way down. I recommend that you take the opposite approach this week, Taurus. In fact, I think a similar strategy would be wise in just about everything you do. Start at the bottom and work your way up. Establish yourself at the ground level and then take care of the higher stuff. Pay respect to the roots and then tend to the branches.

Homework: What other name would you give yourself if you could take a vacation from your present name? Why? FreeWillAstrology.com.

Free Will Astrology

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
In recent decades, many British people with unfortunate surnames have changed them. There are now 40 percent fewer Shufflebottoms, while the numbers of Cockshotts and Smellies have also declined precipitously. Meanwhile, back in the U.S., the government has re-branded its notorious Global War on Terror, shifting to the more palatable “Overseas Contingency Operation.” I hold these examples up for your inspiration, Taurus. It’s a good time to alter any name or title you’ve outgrown, as well as any label that no longer fits or any category you’d like to leave behind.

Happy birthday to Maren Ellis-O’Leary, Mary Walsh, and David Wright. Send birthday info to birthdays@thescope.ca

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
I’m going to quote a few pieces of advice from a piece I found on the Internet, “15 Fun Things To Do During a Big, Important Test.” I trust that this will stimulate your imagination in all the right ways as you get ready for your metaphorical version of a final exam. 1. Bring your own private cheerleaders in uniform. Have them cheer loudly whenever you answer a question. 2. Haul in a large, flamboyant idol. Set it next to you and pray to it often. 3. Bring a friend to give you a massage the entire time. Insist this person is needed because your thoughts flow properly only when your circulation is enhanced. 4. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. if the teacher asks why, say, “The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a Clapper. DUH!”

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Buster Posey is an up-and-coming baseball player for the San Francisco Giants. The poetic incongruity of his name is so apt a symbol for your imminent future, I’m making him your patron saint. According to my reading of the omens, you’ll be called on to be like a “Buster” — a macho, pushy, no-nonsense dude who gets things done — but you will also find power in being as delicate and lovely and innocent as the small flower bouquet known as a posey. Sometimes it’ll make sense to be one or the other. On other occasions, you’ll benefit from being in both modes simultaneously.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
“The Amazing Race” is a reality TV show in which two-member teams compete for money and prizes by doing odd feats in exotic locales. One especially stupid and awesome task they performed was carrying 50-pound wheels of cheese down a slippery hill in Switzerland. Everyone started out hauling the wheels on cumbersome wooden backpacks, but hardly anyone was able to make it to the bottom without falling, breaking the backpacks, and having to manually herd the runaway cheese the rest of the way. I foresee a similar fate for you, Leo. You’ll be asked to do things that are both fun and frustrating, all in a cause that in the long run will be worthwhile.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
One of the most successful managers in baseball history was Casey Stengel. His New York Yankee teams won the world championship seven times. Before the 1953 season, when the Yankees had already won four consecutive World Series, he made the observation that “If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as smart as we think we are.” I hope some version of those words will come out of your mouth soon, Virgo. As savvy and crafty as you are, you’ll have to become even more so in order to pull off the victory that’s almost within your grasp.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
This notice appeared on a bulletin board at a local nightclub that features hip hop DJs: “Missing: my great-grandmother’s necklace, which dropped off my neck while I was krump dancing last Saturday. It might have happened when I was doing a head spin. The necklace has three strands of pearls and a pendant engraved with ‘To Florence, 1927.’ Contact Monique.” I call this to your attention, Libra, because I think it’s possible that you’ll have an experience somewhat akin to Monique’s. Playing exuberantly in a very modern style could result in you losing something from the old days. Unlike Monique, though, I bet your loss will be liberating.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
BBC reported on the growing number of “spiritual tourists” who shop around in their search for inner peace. “We are entering a world,” said one expert, “where people aren’t interested in whether something is true or not, or whether they believe it or not, but whether it works.” That would be a good prescription for you in the coming months, Scorpio. I recommend that you reject any idea or theory or practice unless it has the practical value of making you feel more at home in the world and more accepting of yourself.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
I encourage you to attempt a difficult feat: For a few days, dissolve every burst of anger that rises up in you. Squash it. Wrestle it into submission. Attack it with love bombs. If you can eradicate the fury at its source, never even letting it ripen, that would be best. But the most important thing is to use all your ingenuity to keep your hostility, irritation, and snark from reaching the surface and spilling out. And why should you try this seemingly impossible experiment? Because according to my analysis of the omens, it would bring unexpected improvements in your physical and mental health.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Did you hear about the older Korean woman who has failed her driving test 800 times? Or the American man who has filled out job applications at 25 Pizza Huts in 20 cities without being hired? Or the British artist who has completed over 5,000 paintings even though no gallery has ever shown his work? There is something about you that resembles those persistently frustrated people — or at least has resembled them up until now. Soon, I predict, the dogged efforts you’ve made will finally pay off in at least a modest success, and perhaps even more if you’ll make an effort to free your mind of its backlog of sad images.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
According to polls, more than half the population believes they are fantastic kissers. How did they get that way? Some people say they have rehearsed extensively by smooching the backs of their own hands or rubbing their lips up against posters of celebrities. Whether you’ve tried these techniques or have developed other strategies, Aquarius, I advise you to bone up on your skills. Not this week, but soon, you will be entering a prime romantic phase of your astrological cycle — a time when you will have the potential to accomplish wonders and marvels with your mouth.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
How do you deal with those three periods every year when Mercury is retrograde, as it is between May 7 and 30? I’d like you to consider the meditations of artist and activist Gabrielle Senza: “I think of Mercury retrograde as a big obnoxious Rottweiler on a chain that bares its teeth, lunging and barking as I walk by. I can choose to experience it in one of three ways: 1) as a frightening moment that catches me off guard; 2) as a humorous interlude that allows me to make fun of what I’m afraid of because I know it can’t hurt me; 3) as an opportunity to change my route, usually leading to some wonderful surprise that rewards my instinct to willingly depart from my plans and projections.”

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
When they pray, Muslims face the Kaaba, a cube-shaped building in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Every mosque around the world typically has a niche that shows the precise direction of that holy place. Recently, however, worshipers have discovered that many of the older mosques in Mecca itself have niches that aren’t pointing the right way. They’re concerned that the prayers they’ve dispatched in the past weren’t aimed correctly. Is it possible that there’s a comparable scenario in your life, Aries? Might you be filled with righteous intentions, but not quite delivering them to the correct location? If so, this is an excellent time to make adjustments.

Homework: What gift could you give a friend or loved one in order to change his or her life for the better? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Free Will Astrology

Uh, you might be preggers Taurus, says Rob Brezsny.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Rachael Yanetta, a young English woman, got a bellyache while working her regular job at the local pub. Despite the pain, she toughed it out until her shift was over, then went home. Her distress increased, though, and at 3 a.m. she checked into the hospital. A little over an hour later, to her shock, she gave birth to her first child, having been unaware she was pregnant until the very end of her nine-month term. I predict a comparable sequence for you in the coming days, Taurus. You’ll power through some perplexing anomaly that leads to the unexpected arrival of a new creation or vital revelation.

Happy birthday to Patrick Canning, Tom Power, and David Cochrane. Send birthday info to birthdays@thescope.ca

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
As I close my eyes and ask my deep self for a psychic vision that symbolizes your current astrological omens, here’s what I see: You’re trying to look relaxed even though you have one foot on a dock and one foot on a boat as the boat pulls away. How should we interpret this scene? Here’s what I think: It seems likely that at any minute now you will have to commit yourself to either the dock, the boat, or the water.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
This would be an excellent time for you to lead a populist revolt to overthrow the abusive authorities or out-of-touch elites who have been working their dumb magic for far too long. It would also be a perfect moment for you to stop cooperating with energy-draining situations that undermine your autonomy. The Age of Passivity is ending, thank Goddess. Launching the Age of Awakening may not be easy or fast, but you will attract extra help and encouragement if you do it now.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
“I am not interested in money,” said actress Marilyn Monroe. “I just want to be wonderful.” Consider the possibility of trying out that approach for a while, Leo. I’m not, of course, encouraging you to be apathetic toward financial matters. But I do think it’s an excellent time to for you to specialize in making yourself more wonderful. The cosmic signs say that you now have access to unprecedented reserves of the most profound kind of charm (not the cheap, fake, manipulative stuff). They also suggest that certain qualities in you that have previously been merely fine are primed to evolve into being amazingly marvelous.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
I once had a Virgo girlfriend who was exceedingly well-organized. The capstone of her heroic efforts to keep life rigorously ordered was her approach to her underwear. Each of her panties was embroidered with the name of a day of the week. In the large drawer where they were kept, all the Mondays were in a neat pile at the upper left-hand corner, followed by the rest of the days in their proper sequence. She was always able to grab the correct pair, even when she was half-asleep and the room was dark. If I were going to contact her now, I’d recommend that she should, for a change, arrange her intimate items out of order, and maybe wear Monday on Friday, or put Tuesday on inside-out on Saturday. According to my reading of the omens, this kind of playful self-trickery would set the right tone for you Virgos; it would encourage the universe to send you the benevolent interruptions and interesting interventions you need.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
“Being understood is not the most essential thing in life,” said actress Jodie Foster. While that may be true for her, I bet you won’t turn it down if a flood of appreciation and acknowledgement comes your way in the next few weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you now have the potential to be better understood than maybe you’ve been in a long time. I suggest you take maximum advantage of this good fortune. Make it easy for people to see you for who you really are.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
The famous physicist Robert Oppenheimer sometimes displayed a disarming humility. “There are children playing in the streets who could solve some of my top problems in physics,” he said once, “because they have modes of sensory perception that I lost long ago.” I invite you to consider the possibility that you, too, could learn a lot from people you regard as beneath you or utterly unlike you. It’s one of those rare phases in your astrological cycle when useful revelations are likely to arrive from outside your normal frame of reference. (P.S. Animals might be great teachers as well.)

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – December 21)
It’s a Love Emergency! Am I right? There’s a growing itch in the romantic sphere, and it needs immediate scratching. I mean it really can’t wait for a few more days to pass; something’s got to be done soon. It may be true that this thickening of the plot has been underway for quite a while, and its growing urgency may have snuck up on you. It also may be true that the shift will ultimately be a promising development. But that doesn’t mean you can afford to be casual about it. Take action!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
From an astrological point of view, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to start a band and record an album. Your creativity is waxing, your attunement with the right side of your brain is especially sweet, and you will benefit immensely from anything you do to become less of a spectator and more of a participant. To jumpstart the process, go to Wikipedia and click on “random article.” That’s the name of your band. Then go to en.wikiquote.org and click on “random page.” The last few words of the last quote on that page will be your album’s title. Finally, go to flckr.com, click on “the last 7 days,” and choose a photo from the new page to be your CD cover. (My band is Widemouth Blindcat, our album is “More Time for Dreaming,” and our cover art is a spiral staircase from here: tinyurl.com/c89rt7.)

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You’ve said enough for the time being. You have expressed the hell out of yourself and have been thorough in providing your vision of how the collaborative efforts should unfold. But now I think you should cultivate the power of silence. Keep your evolving thoughts to yourself for a while so that they can ripen in your imagination, and allow the ideas you have already put out there to fully work their way into the imaginations of others. In early May, it will be time to jump back in with a new dose of your insight and inspiration. By then, people should be begging you for more.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
As a leading practitioner of magical thinking, I regard it as my responsibility to serve as a kind of Quality Control Board. Excessive trust in invisible forces and odd coincidences, after all, can be as hazardous to your intelligence as blind faith in pure reason. This week, in fact, I’d rather see you operate like a scientist than a mystic. I hope you’ll evaluate every situation by invoking the powers of unbiased perceptivity and lucid objectivity. So please don’t heed anyone’s mumbo-jumbo, especially if it’s fear-based. Reject supernatural explanations if natural ones make equal sense. Be assured that when superstitious fantasies pop up, they’ll have little to do with what’s actually happening.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Astrology and Tarot cards are my favorite divinatory tools, but I also get a lot of use out of magnetic poetry kits. These are boxes full of evocative words and symbols in the form of refrigerator magnets. Sometimes after analyzing your astrological omens, I’ll close my eyes, beam a question out into the ethers, and pluck a few magnets at random from one of my poetry kits. I just did that for you. “What are the keys to unlocking the enormous reserves of energy that are potentially available for Aries folks right now?” I asked. Here’s the message that came: “swooping orgasms & laughing tears.” (Or it could also be arranged this way: “laughing orgasms & swooping tears.”)

Homework: Go outside at night, make two fists, and punch the sky ten times while you announce, “Hey God, listen up! I’m gonna fight for what’s rightly mine!”