Food Nerd for July 20-26, 2006

Andreae Prozesky wants you to put down that burrito and watch the damn movie.

Things are not as they once were at the Mall cinema consession stand. It's as though some experiment is going on, and its goal is to take all the romance out of movie-going.   

To take romance, and replace it with burritos.   

Or with tacos filled with ground beef and served in a little cardboard cradle.    

Or fries.    

With chili on top.

In paper cups.

When did the concept of "dinner and a movie" become "dinner while sitting in a movie theatre"? Yes, I know, busy modern society and all that, but come on! Eat before going to the movies! There's nothing wrong with any of these foods given the right context, but the thought of trying to consume any of them here, in the dark, on upholstered seating, while you're looking at something else… I mean, they're messy.    

Why take the risk? The perfect movie foods have already been discovered: bag of popcorn, box of candy. A fine, delicious balance of salt and sweet. The popcorn, which is salty, brings on the craving for something sweet. The sugary candy makes you crave salt, and that brings you right back around to the popcorn. The cycle of snacking. The great duality, yin and yang and all that.

Perfect movie popcorn: Partly for eating, and partly for the potential thrill of fingers semi-accidentally brushing one another on their forays in and out of the popcorn bag. The tentative preamble to hand-holding, facilitated by a shared snack.

Perfect movie candy: Must exist in discrete bits. Must come in a box. There has to be a good "shake-ah-shake-ah" sound involved. I'm talking Reese's Pieces, maybe Junior Mints, or Milk Duds. Nibs are acceptable, although their crinkly plastic bag doesn't do it for me. I wish Nibs came in boxes. Boxes are easier than bags to pass from one person to the next without having to take your eyes off the screen. They also offer the opportunity for you to pour candy into the palm of someone's hand. Boxes of candy are flirty like that.

What is the opposite of hands touching as they reach for popcorn, or of pouring bits of candy into a cupped hand? The horror of having to delicately point out mustard on a loved one's chin. Shudder. Positively unromantic.

I suppose it's irrelevant. I am at the theatre with three friends. Two of them have boyfriends and one has taken a vow of celibacy. Snack sharing tonight is functional, not ritual. But still, getting the pretzel dog would be the culinary equivalent of going out in sweatpants. I'm too young and vain to let myself go.

So I buy a box of Milk Duds. I shake-ah-shake-ah the box as I walk to my seat. Pour candy into my own palm. Pass the box on to my friends without having to break eye contact with the screen. No fuss, no muss. No date. No matter. 

I'll get the popcorn next time.

Andreae Prozesky 

5 comments

  1. Alyssa · March 28, 2011

    Something else to take into account naturally is a person’s eye rate that you just may ought to
    take care of as well Unknown
    well maximum number with the used cars finance companies charge 2-3% more interest rates compared
    to new auto loans.

  2. Estella · March 28, 2011

    Some opponents of usury caps for servicemember loans argue
    why these will cause tighter credit for servicemembers Unknown one exception
    to the rule may be found, though, over the u.

  3. Maximo · March 28, 2011

    There are going to be a a lot of open financial institutions who’ll offer to demonstrate
    you the most effective place to acquire finance Unknown they offer quick secured and quick
    unsecured loans for individuals who have a a bad credit score score or no credit standing.

  4. Octavia · March 28, 2011

    These kinds of loans usually do not require a appraisal of
    creditworthiness it isn’t difficult to acquire that loan from payday loan
    places Unknown the average volume of
    student loan debt among recent graduates in the $40,000-$59,000 earnings bracket is $22,
    000.

  5. Esperanza · March 28, 2011

    The werewolves managed to get the subsequent out before
    we’re able to get another runner round, and light meant that the umpire
    wasn’t going to call to get a tie-break innings Unknown the ideal savings pay
    day loan, at the beginning, is simply so effortless to create.